Saturday, October 15, 2011

forget you

this post is some that need be say. it is no go be detail or even close to have an um description. it is for me um benefit. you no like it well you no have to read.

lot no know me has 2 blood sis. all girls were born first then me brothers. (me can no member them names so if you know please let me know). in 1997, 2 days before her birthday me youngest sis was kill at age of 2. this is some that is hard no to blame me own self for cuz me was left incharge.

me whole life me was in an out foster care, or on an off the streets. in 2004 me went into foster care 2 weeks before christmas. christmas eve me dad call me an say me granpa was in hospital. me lost it an bawl. me just knew that this was go be the last christmas wit me granpa. us were no llowed by our social work to go see him. first week of january us got out of foster care. that day us went go see him. it is some me wit a good brain will no ever forget. few weeks after that him die. ever since that year christmas has no be the same an no one in any part of our fam has spent that day some where other than wit fam.

soon after me granpa die, few weeks after. me got me a pup. him stay at me moms. me member when me first saw it, me was like what the hell is that ugly thing on our porch. then me got closer and realize it was a pup. me neighbors an me mom say me can have him. me mom name him an then our dog became me dog. Brownye Fudge Champ Frakes jr (no there is no senior, it jus sound good). him became me best friend. esp when times at me moms got ruff an me did no want be there. us would baracade us in me room for hours. wait for the fight an yell an ever thing to stop. most time it was over me or bout me. no joke. me mom hate me an me no know why. there was lot of violence in that house. after few years brownye developed a problem an became very mean. it seem him was alway chase invisible flies as we would say. him became very protective of me. an he did no like anyone that was no me.
there came several times me mom threw the dogs out, Charlie was our other dog for while til me mom boyfriend at time took him an threw him in river on time when me was at counsel session. along wit the dogs her also throw me out. dead of winter an me an the dogs be outside try to stay warm in this small dog house. there was even one time me mom was go get rid of me dog cuz her boyfriend did no like him. so me went thro that heart ache an then me got keep him. soon me go off to me think college. one summer me was in town for break work an me dad call me up an say us have 2 hours to get rid of me dog. me bawl so much. me went home an try every one an everything me could to keep me dog. 5 years me had him. well, me is no go say what happen in detail. that tuesday became one of the hardest day of me life. him was live last time me has see him.

same week me lose brownie me best friend Chris left to go over seas. few months later him was kill. me was go marry him when him got back. he had ask me to that summer. no too long after me had had surgery.that was the summer me spent me birthday in hospital.

lets go back to 2007. me graduate. me was late for me own graduate, an me o most miss it. it was no me fault. me has spend all me senior year up to a month before graduate in the children home. me had be stood up by me prom date, who lived wit me in the home. him ran off wit another girl who also lived in the home. it had been one crazy year, an now graduate day, an me o most miss it. me got to walk cross the stage an grab me diploma. that was a milestone that marked me greatest acheivement in me life.
that fall me mom was kill on October 25, a thursday at 9:48pm (that is when her die). that winter me family got in big car wreck. o most all me ribs were broke. it was kind cool.

the begin of that year, superbowl 07 was a day that would change me life for long time. me had to work that nite so me went in. when me got off me had to go to the theater to make phone call. me no ever make to theater. me was shoved in a car an raped. at 17. me no say nothing to no one til 2 years later. me thot it was 3 but it was 2. me no say no cuz me was live in children home, me was senior, an me was scare. but me no realize that me silence would cost me in me future.
in 2010 this guy show back up in me life. him bring him brother. it went on for while. cops would no do no thing. me left in march to go to arkansas to get way from it. me got to arkansas an found out that me was prego. me was kick out from place me was stay 3 months later. me spent few weeks in me car. then one day me had horrible pain. me lost the twins. me lost the babys of me rapist, or of one of the 2 guys. me on say this to few persons. them first persons me did say them were no support at all. me no say me family, me was all lone in this. me was go keep the twins to show that jus cuz them did some bad does no mean that it was go have bad end result.
2 weeks after me 22 birthday, these brothers showed up at me house an raped me again. it happened gain after that, an may be gain, me is no sure. one time them cause a great gash on me head. that wound became infected, an abscess formed an me got real real sick. an here me is.
me dream bout me twins lot. them were so cute an full of love. them smile would cause any one heart to melt. an me lil girls laugh made me member that in dark times there is alway some hope, we jus have find it.

some will be read this an say, how can you member all this an no member god...well, speak to me brain. me no kno. it is mystery.
as for the god thing. me is no sure where me stand. me use believe but that was before me forgot. so now me is relearn. but me is go make sure me is get  good pic of it an look at both sides before me say yay or nay bout god.
an no question me bout me memory. me woke up yester an forgot who me was for hour. me woke up today an me was no member who me was, where me was, an me has no kno who lot of persons are that me has speak to are, me do now. so if u want ask me bout how me can no member god, jus think bout this, how can me be me for 22 years an wake up one day an no member who me is?

you can sit there an say me dumb, a kid, a retard, a mute lame or what ever you want. guess what, me is no smart, me is dumb because me is have relearn lot of stuff. me is no kid, but that is how me brain is work, is like that of a kid. me can go wit retard to, me is no normal an me do have some mental issues. no me is no mental, well guess on who you ask, me just have memory problems. mute, well no flippin duh, here is a cookie. me can no speak, that is a mute. an of course me is lame too, here is a cracker, that is what you call a people who can no walk. so time to move on cuz hey, it is no bug me. can no say some bad an think it go bug me if me is sit there say yeah, you is right. on people it go bug is you.


this is me adventure, an me will be as defective as me want be in it, or have be, an me will be fine wit it. if you no want join me on the journey choice is you, but either way me has a long road head of me an there is no thing that is go stop me.

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