fall risk

last night was a real good reliever for me. got to talk wit bambam for the first time in what seems like forever. an me got to talk wit jasi! it was awesome. me also go talk wit ash. me loves all three them lots an lots an ......(continues into forever)!
Ohana means family. an if you are a lelo an stitch fan, like me, then you know this all too well. jasi took me in as one of the tribes members?, an it is supposed to be a family tribe. only thing is, i do not really see myself as part of any family, not even me own. no joke. i do like the idea of people supporting one nother as family. guess it is just a me thing. mean, me loves me family, but even tho them are me family, it do not feel like we are a family. get? some times me wonders if me will ever truely feel part of a family or no. maybe that is just the way it is supposed to be. *shrugs*
do not get me wrong, there are some out there that me consider family, an you know who you are. 

this am me woke, after having a rough night sleep, wit a 103.7 fever stomach hurting like crazy an just feel like me was go to up chuck everything.  me did pt. them say them has cancelled second session. boo. yes me said boo. me say boo cuz me legs are get stronger. so is rest of me.
one thing me loves is this green braceleet me has on. it says FALL RISK. haha. every time me look at it me grin an smile a bit. it is sort of a no brainer. 

me had dream last night.

bambam an i were sitting at a table an jasi was on the couch. we had just arrived at stephen an ash's house. me was so nervous bout seeing them all. an for some reason or another, me knew me could talk but was scared to because me thot if me talked them would be mad, so me did not talk. well, then us all went to me house. an me dad was sit there tell them me was lier an all sort stuff an them believed him. an me try to tell  them him was lier but all me could do was hum an say random words.

it was nice have all us there together but it broke me heart that them hated me. me guess it is a fear taht me has, that one day for some reason we will no longer be friends, an given the last few years, me do not think it is some me could take. no joke at all.

me new phone is pretty awesome. it has its bad features. but overall me has no service on it an me can do more on it than wit me phone that does have service.

me is not sure what me is do this weekend. usual there is some sort of plan. am go get off me laptop for bit. so if you send me a message me hope me get it. lol.

there are a lot of fears that me is deal wit, there are lot of things that me struggle wit, most me keep to meself, cuz to the rest the world they seem silly. doctors say me has mind of 10 year old. an still these fears an struggles are not things a 10 year old would even think about, unless, that 10 year old was like me an 30 at the age of 10. this journey rises new asks everyday, new mountains, an pops dreams that me has had for so long. its a journey of pain, bt one that will lead me to the rest of me life.

candy

no me did not misspell canady or cady, me mean what me spell....candy.

there is this lil boy who is usual at pt when me gets there. him an him mom got in a car wreck an his legs were broken really bad, him mom did not make it. the nurses were surprised when him came over to me on monday an start talk to me. them say he has not say a word to anyone since the accident. so we are pt buddies. we do lot of the same activities. his name is Jake. he came up to me an gave me a piece of candy. reeses. jake an i support one another, we are one another cheer system. he is only 6, an he is a awesome strong lil boy. Jake gets to go home next week. and then me lose me cheer buddy. an pt buddy.

me has not ate the candy yet. me has not got permission too. me could eat a few bags of those things tho.  me can not wait to have some candy. me like almond joys, mond, snickers, an reeses. paydays, whatchamacallits, an so many other things including m&ms.

me is start to gain pounds again. me is up to 105lbs. it is great. me clothes have not be fit as well. me no like to wear shorts cuz me has chicken legs. haha. no joke.

me has be talk to Jasi an ash today. one thing me tell them is me is not ready to get out of the hospital, even tho i am. what do me mean? me mean me is ready to see people, eat real food, go places, sleep in me own bed, actual skype, an all sorts of stuff. me is not ready for the drama of family, me is not ready for all the stress that this case has yet to bring, me is not ready to deal with the stress of life.

lately me has felt more like a burden than anything. wondering would visiting me friends really be a great experience or just a mess? do not want to put any more stress on me friends than them already have. it could be selfishness.

strong support system seems to be in a cloud above me head. me fears that once me is out in the free world that is outside me window, me will be left to fight this on me own. which is what me is used to.
me know that there will be those few, but sometimes it does not matter how many people are there on the phone or computer, or sometimes even in person, the support just still seems so far away, leaving one to be by them self. sometimes me just want to run away, hide from everyone.
not sure if me is protecting my self or everyone else. me is try be strong for so many people. me has be hidding out, try not to stress me friends out with me retarded life.

me say stuff. all time. stuff that would be nice, if it happened. stuff that would make things easier.

life is life. good or bad. must learn to deal. whether alone or not. journey through adventure, that is what me, you, us all have to do.