goodnight

during pt i hit my head. so it thing are not spell right or sound right, sorry.

last nite before bed talk to jasi. her say her wish could take me from here an put me in washington. her say her no like idea of me go back around me family. i need people who let me rest an heal, her say me would get tht in washington. her no like that i will feel useless. me gree wit her. me no like idea of not help out, but agree do need rest an time to heal.

if it was not for trial an this whole mess an also not sure if me granma be ok with out me, i would leave . me dad say him car work good, but roof is leak in lot of places. him is mad. mad tht i no help fix it. me wish me could.
me granma is depressed, not some i like.

i finish wizards. or got caught up. me is go to have me friends watch it with me. them no kno what them is miss. no joke.

today pt. me was able stand for 10 sec wit no help. me was able stand 1 min plus wit cane help. still work on build strong. got done wit pt at 5. fell when therapist who was help me got distract an let go of me. boom. hit head pretty hard. mess wit spell an memory.

me slept real wall last night. me had dream that me was go visit bambam. on way me stop at Kara an Joey an saw Nicki too. Kara was try her hard to keep me at her house. then me went to this um, church. me new one peron there. after that got to bmbam's. her house was different. alan was wit me. her was boss him round, an me was sort po-ed bout it, cuz if anyone go boss him it be me, an then me thot it was funny. he went sleep. an then she made me go to bed. when me woke her parents were home. alan had disappear. an i felt great. it seem so real. like all dreams. but this one me wake wit smile an feel all warm.

there is no much to me. it is pose to snow. i watch glee. an am go sleep. after talk to ash, piglet, an maybe jasi. me miss them. me miss bambam. lots.

candy

no me did not misspell canady or cady, me mean what me spell....candy.

there is this lil boy who is usual at pt when me gets there. him an him mom got in a car wreck an his legs were broken really bad, him mom did not make it. the nurses were surprised when him came over to me on monday an start talk to me. them say he has not say a word to anyone since the accident. so we are pt buddies. we do lot of the same activities. his name is Jake. he came up to me an gave me a piece of candy. reeses. jake an i support one another, we are one another cheer system. he is only 6, an he is a awesome strong lil boy. Jake gets to go home next week. and then me lose me cheer buddy. an pt buddy.

me has not ate the candy yet. me has not got permission too. me could eat a few bags of those things tho.  me can not wait to have some candy. me like almond joys, mond, snickers, an reeses. paydays, whatchamacallits, an so many other things including m&ms.

me is start to gain pounds again. me is up to 105lbs. it is great. me clothes have not be fit as well. me no like to wear shorts cuz me has chicken legs. haha. no joke.

me has be talk to Jasi an ash today. one thing me tell them is me is not ready to get out of the hospital, even tho i am. what do me mean? me mean me is ready to see people, eat real food, go places, sleep in me own bed, actual skype, an all sorts of stuff. me is not ready for the drama of family, me is not ready for all the stress that this case has yet to bring, me is not ready to deal with the stress of life.

lately me has felt more like a burden than anything. wondering would visiting me friends really be a great experience or just a mess? do not want to put any more stress on me friends than them already have. it could be selfishness.

strong support system seems to be in a cloud above me head. me fears that once me is out in the free world that is outside me window, me will be left to fight this on me own. which is what me is used to.
me know that there will be those few, but sometimes it does not matter how many people are there on the phone or computer, or sometimes even in person, the support just still seems so far away, leaving one to be by them self. sometimes me just want to run away, hide from everyone.
not sure if me is protecting my self or everyone else. me is try be strong for so many people. me has be hidding out, try not to stress me friends out with me retarded life.

me say stuff. all time. stuff that would be nice, if it happened. stuff that would make things easier.

life is life. good or bad. must learn to deal. whether alone or not. journey through adventure, that is what me, you, us all have to do.

mac n cheese

this post has no thing to do wit mac n cheese....ok, may be jus a small small bit do. haha

me could no fall sleep at all. so 6am this morn me fin fell sleep. no joke. me wake up at 12pm. me ach all over. me would like stretch out. me is go be like the old guy from UP, where him pop out bed an crack crack crack. yep, that is go be me. lol

yester day post me say some bout if the guys get no time. Michael, this kid is real smart an real funny, rank bambam wit batman an chuck norris. still makes me laugh eve time me think bout it. me can just see bambam wit mask cape an ninja cloths.
it was a clever reply but one that also has nother side of thot. am me so low an weak that me can no protect me self, that me would let others do it for me? it was no on this reply but one me other friends say it bout time you start stand up for you self. double blow!!
me do stand up for me self, cept when me is smart an think it is no worth the effort, or kno that all the other person want is argue. me has alway stand up for me self, on time me has no is when me has no be able to or thot it best no to. me has alway protect me self too. no on me, but me family an me friends. me will eve protect strangers. no joke.
so why do me need some one else to protect me or stand up for me? if me can no do it for me self what that say bout me? it is simple, it mean that me is weak, a coward, an selfish. which make me a loser an a jerk!

today me has be tire, but what else is new. me is do better wit breath an me oxygen in me mask has gone down.

me is go have to use money me get from work to go to eye doctor. me right eye is one that is mess up. me was do some an look out on me right eye an it is all blurry thro me glasses. boooo. but it is way over due. 4 years. yep. but if me can get perscription me can get glasses cheap.

me did no get color today. sadness. just like me did no get me shower today. double sadness. me did get mac n cheese today. it did no taste good at all, but me yum it. an it was ok. it was better than mash tatos.

me make me bucket list. there is lot to do on it. half me no think will get done but hey me can try.

lot of me friends are sick today. me no like it. if me could me would take them sickness way. me would rather be sick than them. what a pickle.

2 more days. no on will it be the weekend but it will also mean, NO MORE INVESTIGATION, for 2 hole days! 2 more days an 2 me fav persons are get married!!!!!!!!! 2 more days an then begins the 2 day count down. need less to say, me week next week is go start off bad, an monday is go be a bad day. me wish me could skip it.

me has be member bits an pieces of me college years. it is very frustrate cuz it is just things that no tell me much or that no connect.

since me has alread say me believe there is a god, just no sure what or where it is, or even who, me is go say some else. me think pray is a good idea. even if you do no believe that there is a god or in the god that hears pray, you should try pray. it is a good way to help you unstress. me do it. me just think bout me day an me friends an that is it, but that is me pray.

me got message from Richard, me new friend in Seattle. him tell me to do me research cuz me is in for a big surprise. me has experience many other cultures, an me has be in KC lots. lol.

me was do some think today bout halloween. me thot it be funny to dress me dog Bubbles up as a bunch of bubbles or a bottle of bubbles an me dad dog Elvis as elvis! it would be funny. an cute. me is kind sad me is no go be there for halloween. it is ok tho.
me is kind upset bout leave bubbles here in MO. Me will prob no see her in person for a year or so, an that is real hard to take in. an know me luck me would go way an that would be last time me see her. her is happy wit elvis an me family. her an elvis are best friends, who am me to break them up? who am me to break bubbles heart an mine by seperate us? me wish me could take her wit me, or that me had a pup that was no best friends wit the others me could take wit me, but wishes are dreams that are no mean to be.

me has had good day, but lot things in it are just very sad an try to break me down.

it is a long hard journey. one full of heart ach an pain. one full of mystery an shame. but the on thing me is out to gain, is freedom from all this rain!