WED day

yester nite me temp went back up to 105.9. right now it is 106.2. me could no sleep so me watch movies all nite til 6, n then me fell sleep. me sleep til 830.

me talk wit bambam yester nite. me love her. her is one me heros. her is so strong even when her think her no. me is learn so much from her. her is a mazing person, friend, an sister. her say her is go skype wit me sometime day. :D that make me happy!

me felt kind bad that me fell sleep. me is one who say me is alway there, an it no matter the time that you can alway text me or call me, well cept now you can no, an me will be there when you need me. well ash text me just after me fell sleep. me felt bad cuz this was one those times me was no there.

today is ash an stephen wed. pose to skype it for me. even if them do no, me is happy for them. them has be wait long time for this. even tho it short time, it has be long in them minds. me is sad that me will no get talk wit either one them for o most a whole week but it is ok. them is go have fun on them honeymoon. me know where them is go, but them no know that me know. lol.
shortie ask me if me had gift for them an me say me sort do. me is no good at shop for wed or birthday or anything. haha. me use has some one wit me who is good at this stuff, or me has someone do it for me. lol. me is go make them some tho. when me can do stuff wit out it look like a baby done it.

bambam say that me should no do anything when me go home, or no at first. me gree but it will no happen. me just know me will have to wash stuff so me can have clean bedding, have to pick stuff up off floor so me can walk thro me room, prob check animals to make sure all 14 of them are fine an have food water an fresh bedding/litter. then me is prob go have to do all dishes in sight. try ing to get 2 teenage boys to do anything to help out round the house is hard. or impossible when it comes to me brothers. then if me dad forget to get stuff, an him will, me will be go to the store to get what him forgot. then there is the cook, an then the clean up. an then the next day come one of the things that me look forward to eve year. we get the christmas tree! last 2 years us have use me car, but me is no sure if it is go happen this year or no. any way, we go as fam usu, an us find tree an it use be me dad cut it down but now me twin cut it down, while me pull to help make it go faster, an then me an one me bros carry it to be pick up. stardust has no ever see a real christmas tree, this will be awesome, me just hope him no try to climb it. lol. then usu some time in next week we decorate it.

when it come to drive round tho. me think me is go have let me brother, dustin, who can drive but is no legal, drive me round. me was one who taught him to drive, so me hope him no try kill me. lol.

an then me has o most nuff pillows at home that me can make me self comfy in me futon. me wish matress was no so thin but it is ok.


shortie an me make this evil guy so we could destroy him. it sound fun at first an then me start think me no want to think bout kill someone right now, even if them is no real. so when her ask me waht me was go do to him me say me is go hug him. our hugs broke the evil curse on Tina n now him is good!

me watch ghost whisperer at 1am it was the christmas episode. me has on seen that show 2ice. before that me watch fraiser. it was funny stuff.

me think tonite me is go watch phantom of the opera if no other plans come up. piglet an jasi say them both may try skype wit me, so me may have plans, or maybe one me friends will be like hey, want watch movie, an if me is alive an awake, me will belike umYEAH!lol.

me is no go lie tho, me eyes are tire. an me is so weak. it is work just to breath. lol. but me has smile on me face. sorts, it is no a baf smile but it is no  frown or a me is die face.

me can no wait til me is out of here, then me can act skype. me has be tempt tho to go head an unmute me mics or even just show me web cam. bt me no want lose me laptop. no no.

me is no sure me is go get that wheel chair. me no think me is, them were pose to give address for one me persons to go pick it up at but that has no happen. so me guess if there is day me feel me can no do some or me friends an me go some where an me is no able to walk me will just have sit an let them wonder round. me no mind. me is happy when me friends are happy.

me is bruise lot easy. me no ever bruise but me is no an it is no hard to give me one. the guard drop the movie on me arm an now there is big bruise. ya...from movie that weigh like no even 1/2 lb.

ash could no get skype to work. it was sad. me no get see wedding, bt it is ok. them is marry now an me is very very happy for them!!! me love ash an stephen so much!!!!

bambam an me watch movie. haha. her is very good but also very bad at pick movies. lol. the movies her pick are very good, but them is ones that make me heart sink to me stomach an tears rise in me eyes. us watch lifted...an if you have no see it, beware, me had stop it. me was sob thro most the last half.
in so many part of that movie, me would think, me has be there, me has be there...no joke. me mom alway pick guys that had no respect for anyone but them. an her would alway bring us kid round them. her would be so high that any one of her guy friends could have kill us an her would no have cared or even realize it. her guy friends would be jerks. wit some them we even look at them in any way an them would beat the crap out us. me would never let them touch me sibs. me alway step in an protect them, took their beat. mom would sit there an watch it or even help. me can no tell you how many times me dump alcohol, or flush drugs, an turn round an take care of me mom. one time us went see me "grandpa" - mom dad - an him beat the crud out me for refuse do some for him. us would go home tell me dad what happen an him would turn round do the same thing say me was lie.
me mom did start go to meetings tho. me hated go to them wit her. me know them helped her but me hated go to them. an then me aunt start go to, an me still hated go. me still will no go if ask.
lot time music would be the on escape me had. me would go in me room, block the door, an blast me music. there are time me still do that, if me is real mad or real sad. me would use music to drown out all the noise, the fights, the yell, the pound, the threats. an still do.
the movie was sort a tribute to those who have serve in military an them families, especial those who have die in service. it is a remind that them have give them life but them is no gone.
made me real sad. me miss Chris Link, lots. an me granpa was air force, an me miss him lots too.

after the movie, bambam an me skype! it was good ok great to see her face an here her voice. an her was the bambam me member. her is very silly. lol. but her is very precious to me!

me was go take nap for bit an then them come in an ask if me want shower/bath. me was like, yea! haha. me is clean. me is just real hot an start smell funny gain. lol. after shower me went to have scans. them say there is small area of puss but them think them can kill it wit some meds.

now me is back in me room. bambam is go skype wit me gain! woot! an mama canady may join in! hurray!

me no think me is go watch phantom of opera tonight.

me has a new name for me seisures, them are me bad moments. me is no sure why me is sick or why me body will no heal, it is very sad.

it is just another mystery to be solved in this part of me adventure.

forget you

this post is some that need be say. it is no go be detail or even close to have an um description. it is for me um benefit. you no like it well you no have to read.

lot no know me has 2 blood sis. all girls were born first then me brothers. (me can no member them names so if you know please let me know). in 1997, 2 days before her birthday me youngest sis was kill at age of 2. this is some that is hard no to blame me own self for cuz me was left incharge.

me whole life me was in an out foster care, or on an off the streets. in 2004 me went into foster care 2 weeks before christmas. christmas eve me dad call me an say me granpa was in hospital. me lost it an bawl. me just knew that this was go be the last christmas wit me granpa. us were no llowed by our social work to go see him. first week of january us got out of foster care. that day us went go see him. it is some me wit a good brain will no ever forget. few weeks after that him die. ever since that year christmas has no be the same an no one in any part of our fam has spent that day some where other than wit fam.

soon after me granpa die, few weeks after. me got me a pup. him stay at me moms. me member when me first saw it, me was like what the hell is that ugly thing on our porch. then me got closer and realize it was a pup. me neighbors an me mom say me can have him. me mom name him an then our dog became me dog. Brownye Fudge Champ Frakes jr (no there is no senior, it jus sound good). him became me best friend. esp when times at me moms got ruff an me did no want be there. us would baracade us in me room for hours. wait for the fight an yell an ever thing to stop. most time it was over me or bout me. no joke. me mom hate me an me no know why. there was lot of violence in that house. after few years brownye developed a problem an became very mean. it seem him was alway chase invisible flies as we would say. him became very protective of me. an he did no like anyone that was no me.
there came several times me mom threw the dogs out, Charlie was our other dog for while til me mom boyfriend at time took him an threw him in river on time when me was at counsel session. along wit the dogs her also throw me out. dead of winter an me an the dogs be outside try to stay warm in this small dog house. there was even one time me mom was go get rid of me dog cuz her boyfriend did no like him. so me went thro that heart ache an then me got keep him. soon me go off to me think college. one summer me was in town for break work an me dad call me up an say us have 2 hours to get rid of me dog. me bawl so much. me went home an try every one an everything me could to keep me dog. 5 years me had him. well, me is no go say what happen in detail. that tuesday became one of the hardest day of me life. him was live last time me has see him.

same week me lose brownie me best friend Chris left to go over seas. few months later him was kill. me was go marry him when him got back. he had ask me to that summer. no too long after me had had surgery.that was the summer me spent me birthday in hospital.

lets go back to 2007. me graduate. me was late for me own graduate, an me o most miss it. it was no me fault. me has spend all me senior year up to a month before graduate in the children home. me had be stood up by me prom date, who lived wit me in the home. him ran off wit another girl who also lived in the home. it had been one crazy year, an now graduate day, an me o most miss it. me got to walk cross the stage an grab me diploma. that was a milestone that marked me greatest acheivement in me life.
that fall me mom was kill on October 25, a thursday at 9:48pm (that is when her die). that winter me family got in big car wreck. o most all me ribs were broke. it was kind cool.

the begin of that year, superbowl 07 was a day that would change me life for long time. me had to work that nite so me went in. when me got off me had to go to the theater to make phone call. me no ever make to theater. me was shoved in a car an raped. at 17. me no say nothing to no one til 2 years later. me thot it was 3 but it was 2. me no say no cuz me was live in children home, me was senior, an me was scare. but me no realize that me silence would cost me in me future.
in 2010 this guy show back up in me life. him bring him brother. it went on for while. cops would no do no thing. me left in march to go to arkansas to get way from it. me got to arkansas an found out that me was prego. me was kick out from place me was stay 3 months later. me spent few weeks in me car. then one day me had horrible pain. me lost the twins. me lost the babys of me rapist, or of one of the 2 guys. me on say this to few persons. them first persons me did say them were no support at all. me no say me family, me was all lone in this. me was go keep the twins to show that jus cuz them did some bad does no mean that it was go have bad end result.
2 weeks after me 22 birthday, these brothers showed up at me house an raped me again. it happened gain after that, an may be gain, me is no sure. one time them cause a great gash on me head. that wound became infected, an abscess formed an me got real real sick. an here me is.
me dream bout me twins lot. them were so cute an full of love. them smile would cause any one heart to melt. an me lil girls laugh made me member that in dark times there is alway some hope, we jus have find it.

some will be read this an say, how can you member all this an no member god...well, speak to me brain. me no kno. it is mystery.
as for the god thing. me is no sure where me stand. me use believe but that was before me forgot. so now me is relearn. but me is go make sure me is get  good pic of it an look at both sides before me say yay or nay bout god.
an no question me bout me memory. me woke up yester an forgot who me was for hour. me woke up today an me was no member who me was, where me was, an me has no kno who lot of persons are that me has speak to are, me do now. so if u want ask me bout how me can no member god, jus think bout this, how can me be me for 22 years an wake up one day an no member who me is?

you can sit there an say me dumb, a kid, a retard, a mute lame or what ever you want. guess what, me is no smart, me is dumb because me is have relearn lot of stuff. me is no kid, but that is how me brain is work, is like that of a kid. me can go wit retard to, me is no normal an me do have some mental issues. no me is no mental, well guess on who you ask, me just have memory problems. mute, well no flippin duh, here is a cookie. me can no speak, that is a mute. an of course me is lame too, here is a cracker, that is what you call a people who can no walk. so time to move on cuz hey, it is no bug me. can no say some bad an think it go bug me if me is sit there say yeah, you is right. on people it go bug is you.


this is me adventure, an me will be as defective as me want be in it, or have be, an me will be fine wit it. if you no want join me on the journey choice is you, but either way me has a long road head of me an there is no thing that is go stop me.