4 days

me is go do this tho me do not want too. i is in a not care ing boat. think more of it is me is tired, an mad, an a bit hurt.


monday me wake up an i was real sick. me mean, me fever was 107.2, an me will save you from rest. me go into coma later that day. i woke up yesterday morning just to find out that while me was out them had done another surgery. the coma had save my life an the surgery had help. it was small one.
me spent most day sleep ing yesterday. i is still tired so me has be nap lots. me has be stay off me laptop for most part.

me is real frustrate by my family. or more by what is go on wit them. persons will tell me not to worry, but them is me family.
there is on one car between me aunt, me dad, an i. an it would be me car. me dad's engine is have a serious problem. me car is die soon after started an the shock mount is come loose. so me car is go be on car between 3 persons for the whole winter. this sucks. means me can no go out town on me own, an once me get home me will be run round for everyone do every thing.
me sister is causing all sorts trouble for me whole family. an me brothers are not help. i keep tell me sibs that them has to stop this bs drama of thems. our dad is o most 60 an he can not take the stress that them cause. them do not care. them are assholes. i can say that because me know it to be true. just say.

me is hope me get more hours. which mean me will no be able to go out town much but me need the money to save up.

me is think me is set me self up for failure. hope too BIG. may be me granma is right. washington is probably another empty dream. me no want it to be but it seems like it. me has so many fears bout go there an about not. i can not help it.
i feel like that once me get out here that me will just end up back in here.
me wonder lot, what is me life on earth pose to be. so me has start that story and it is base round death.

me pray lot. to who ever god may be. an me tell this god that me is frustrate wit this whole mess of a life.

death is but the final destination of every single soul that enters this life. from the minute we are born we work toward death. think bout it.

sleep

sleep. me love an hate it at same time. me no eve feel like me can get nuff an then when me do feel me get nuff me spend me whole day be tire like me has no sleep. grrr

sunday me spent in surgery. me wake up after surgery long nuff say hi to few persons. me was tire tho so me sleep. monday me sleep lots. yester me sleep no lot but more than me use do. me was freak out bout me facebook so me no got much sleep monday nite.

me no get say wit shortie much. me miss her. me did get say wit piglet bit before her turn shepherds, no kno if it the dog or persons (job no last name), into pie. me also got say wit josi for bit, her is real cool. me got say wit jasi too, her is no feel well an me worry bout her. me think her is go be real good at her job, her is real real good at it, her just no kno it that well yet. me got say wit ash lot. it was nice. me love say wit her. her made me cry wit her blog but it was good cry. made me feel real special. me is cited for them wedding, tho me no be there, me get see them grow young gether. me got say wit bambam too. me love that kid. haha. her think her is old, blah! me think her an few other me friends go be tire today cuz me no sleep well for us at all. so if them is grouchy it me fault. give them some ice cream!
me love all me friends lots. them make me heart happy. them help get me thro the day. them make me feel all warm inside.

me was go to go to bed at 9 an me did no fall sleep til 2 :/. me had dream me dad die. me was real sad. me wake up an me sent me dad message to make sure him ok. him is. the dream was no real but it has be very upset for me day.

yester me post was legacy. me no think me was clear on some of it. so me is go be clear here. me had dreams an me think me was work on them. me has to find new dreams now. friends keep say no give up on u dreams jus yet but me big one me kno me has no chance at now. guess it was no mean to be.
me will find new dreams an jus um adjust? me old ones. me legacy tho is no go be the one that was alway fight sick ness. no. me legacy is go be some much better then that.

monday when me could no sleep, me was stalk persons, lol. me found that most me friends are real deal wit motions an me say me no want add to it, well as much as me can help me do no want to. so me blog is go be different for now on. me is no go drain me friends but fill them wit as much encourage an positive an love as me can. me is no go post me blog wit motion galor in it. me is go help me friends be ease wit them day. an hope i t will help me too. if all fail, me has that post that is draft me can add too, lol.

me is no out to change the world me is out to change hearts.

me eyes hurt an me body is want sleep but me try an it will no sleep. me jus think me stay up til 6-7 an then me go sleep. me has be watch wizards of waverly place. glee was no on yester nite an it make me sad bit. one the nurse bring ice cream in. choc sensation an birthday cake. me like mix them gether. it is real good that way. it was way better than mash tatos, yogurt, app sauce, an soup. them is go start me on protien shake soon so me can start gain weight. them want make me fat, lol. me want steak med rare, chicken, ghetti, all sorts stuff. me tum is alway roar. me is drink lot of water.
as for walk, me is to tire an to weak. me is have trouble get me strength. me has hard time lift me head or arm. it take me ever to spell me posts. that why them is no that long.
them say me could get thing that all me has do is touch pic an it say word an say for me. me is no go be lazy. me is go speak for me one of these days. til then me can learn sign an me can type. it frustrate nurse an doc that me no use signs them have for me but me has to learn to do things.
me is get me own chair on wheels. it be nice have when me has bad days an until me can feel ok to walk long time on me own. it no new one but that ok. some one who read me blog say them want help an have one that me can have. so it is cool nice thing. them no live to far from me home town. it is real awesome an helps mind me that there is more kind nice persons than me think.

me has got to say wit stephen bit. it was nice. me is go take nap so me can say wit ash later. me is wake up at 7. me also got say wit kara for bit. me miss them faces!
stephen an ash have be big encourage in me life. me would no have made thro some or many nites wit out them help. me is thank to have them in me life. them is to friends me cherish.

me got me sim card day. but now have to fight wit phone company over minute thing. me is pose to have me time extend but me has no time at all. boo.

bambam is no have good day an me is try to help her feel better. me no think it is work tho. me post video on her wall. the song sound like some me hear before. me also has this song stuck in me head. it goes - u no have to worry an do no u be fraid, joy come in morn ... - me feel her need hear that song too but me can no find it.

sometime me has these thots an sometime me say stuff an no kno why. an me will say, me no kno why me say or do that but me did. may be it me mind try fix self. me no kno.

u will hear bout rest me nite morrow. eve day is an adventure. a journey wit new things, place, an persons! this is me adventure an one me hope u will be part of!!

legacy

hi!!! u have reach the blog of BAFINATOR!!!

if u is have trouble find me on facebook, us are in same boat. me no kno where me profile went to. either someone is mess wit me, facebook real is do site stuff, or me is offical too awesome to be on facebook an there4 them is make me me own website. me pick numero 4, me has no clue. but me DID NO delete me facebook. as temp as me has be last few week to do so, me has no go there. me has also be think bout creating a 4th facebook, me other to are no delete jus no use like me current one, for all me special friends or true friends. me jus have come up wit cool name for it. 3 brittany frakes is nuff for me. an no me is no go name it amber, yuck! name is cool, me jus no like me middle name.

surgery! docs say went good an them got infection out of me head. now me jus has to get it out me body. month in half o read in hospital has no be fun, an still look at few more weeks, blah! me did lot sleep yester. me even miss most igor cuz me keep snoze off. me watch lot of disney yester nite. munsters has be on too, so me watch that too. black an white show, it funny! me was no very public so me no say lot. me did get say wit bambam, mama canady, ash, an shortie for bit.

me no sleep well. me was worry bout me facebook. first me think o, it be back in bit. then when it no show back up me start think who or why would any1 report me facebook cuz me has no do no thing, so me also start think why facebook would disable or block me facebook wit out warn or email. then me think may be it were fbi try protect me or some like that, no them has no clue. me think me dad mess wit it, but him no have me password. so me is is confuse an frustrate by it. me has email them all nite. - update: me facebook is back up an run. me is go clean out me friends day or morrow.
me is real tire. me is go sleep lot day.

me last blog me was jerk. me no mean to hurt no one. part was fever an me sick brain, part was what me was hold in. me jus could no do it no more an me had let it out. it was like me sick ness an me is sure it was add to me sick ness, it keep get worse an worse an worse.

yester nite me fell sleep for bit an nurse came in an shut tv sound off an turn lite off. me wake some an her ask if me would like listen music, me nod. her took me computer an put on music. her say this was one her favorite stations, some call klove. it real nice stuff. it say bout god an all sort that stuff. it make me feel all warm inside an make me smile an me heart smile. there was this one song that say this - want leave legacy how will them member me? - an me got think bout this. me did no kno what legacy mean, an then song pretty much say what it mean.
this song mind me of LP song, leave out all the rest. in song it say - me dream me was miss an u was so scare but no one would listen cuz no one else care, after me dream me woke wit the fear, what is me leave when me is done here - me real think lot on this.

me think, if me had die in surgery, or die after or soon after, the last thing persons would member bout me is that me fight long time wit sick ness. them member me be sick an that is it. ... that is no what me want. me is no set on change world, cuz that will no ever happen, but me is set on be better people an friend, even family member. me is 22 an what me to show for it? me graduate high school an that bout it. o an pose me went to college for bit.

me read other blogs. me see persons do stuff. me no alway get what me read but me do kno them is do stuff.

me want do stuff to. me no jus want to be nother people who has ordinary life, me want have extra ordinary life.

how is me go do this tho?
first, me figure me has to get better. them say them got infection cut out me head, now to get rest me body to boot the infection an sick ness. this has no be easy at all. me was glad when me woke up an me have no forgot stuff gain. it was real hard type an still is, but me is push thro. it is no go be easy but it will get there.
to, me has get out me town. me no realize how bad an no good for me it is til day or to before surgery. it is real stressful an negative to be round me family. it is time for peace in me life. this is where me is real thankful for real great friends who can get stuff thro this thick head of me. me has kno for long time me need to get out, an me has try for long time to get out an stay out. me has try lot. it get drain after while an start think will no ever happen! me think thing be different this time.

me will go from there. me has no idea what is in me future, but me do kno it better than what is in me past. that is me adventures an it has no just start an it is no bout to end!!

let it all out

me is go be honest in this post. no that me is no alread honest. me jus has hold back on some thing. so me is go post this before me surgery. me surgery start at 10am me time an me should be done an out no late than 10pm, if thing go good it could be before that.

one me friends say me, eve one is hard on them self. me kno me is hard on me. me has lot to be hard on me bout. me do blame me for lot stuff. me should be like me bros an sis, on drugs get drink eve night, sleep round, steal lie an cheat. me should be more mess up than them. me chose no to tho. me has say to bambam there is lot me has no eve say to anyone. me use bury stuff an that last of it. that how me deal. an it no affect me. it jus when some big happen an me get emotion me get real emotion.
me blame me for be sick. them is alway say, u got think good thots so u can get better, them are no here, them are no me, yes them may have been in place like this or like me, but them is no go thro what me go thro. me know that harsh but it true an me think them gree. us no ever kno exact how people feel cuz us no ever them. me hard have good thing to think bout.

few thing bout me:
     - when me is feel bad me like to make others feel good
     - me no can stand when one me friends is no feel good, or is down, an me will do what eve me can to make them feel better an make them happy
     - me no hate no one, me no get angry, me hard eve get mad, an me is alway nice an love toward even the mean people
    - me would give clothes off me back, sell me car, give up all me stuff to help some one else out. me would do wit out um hesitation

sense me be honest me is go just say it. me guess all them bad things are ones that are loud er than them good things. me do feel like worthless piece junk. me feel no mat how hard me work or how good me is that it jus no do. me has be try to get better an it sound like for bit there me was o most all better. but me is now worse off. me hear bad stuff lot dur day, no so much on facebook now as other places. it me fault me is sick. it me fault me go die. it me fault that no one in world give fly flip bout me. me is junk, me is trash, me is worthless, me is dumb, me is freak, me is retard, me is....(   ). so much more. or is it me is so much more than all that. rare do me feel like me is any thing.

me feel like me friends void me. me is no say bout  ones me kno is busy wit work. it ok tho, me has alway be voided. me is go clean out me friends but may be me jus delete me facebook, no replace me sim card, honest, who would miss me? no me. me say if u want be me friend be me friend, if no then unfriend me, it no that hard. me is tire of fake friends. me has start delete some persons alread.

me is sort hope me die on surgery table. me can no stand this be lone. an me friends say all u have do is reach out, me has an all it got me is no thing. me say all time, me welcome the company. me is lone. u know me has no one here, cuz me can no cuz me is a dumb idiot, so that should say, hey, her is lone, me should drop her message or text an start chat wit her. me is tire be the one to reach out. use if it no me say no thing then no thing is say an people me bet no even kno me exist. me do no want spend nother day here lone. u can keep say u wit me in thot but it no help, it real no do. an me must be bad person or say some that is mean an jerk, eve day it seem persons say wit me lil bit less than before. gain, me is no worth it.

so please say me why me should fight? why should me fight to live? spend nother month or 2 in a room that all white no window an no see persons hard at all?

this can all be sick an fever an no sleep, but me is sure this how me feel. an if u no like me blog u no have read it.

me real jus want to be out here, wit friends, or do some eve if it sleep wit me dog an cat. sigh, but me is no an me has to deal.

there is no easy part to any this. no single thing is easy. but me guess it time for me be super man gain an do all this wit smile on me face an do it lone. put that zipper back where it belong an relearn that some thing just are no mean to be seen or hear.

me found this poem an it seem it was spell bout me. me is go share.

Fighting Alone - Anonymous
 
As long as you don't say anything
everything seems fine
& no one will know
what's really on your mind
& as time goes by
you realize you just can't win
cause the heart breaking pain
will forever remain within
while everyone is rising
back on their feet
your left on the ground
broken by defeat
& once you think you've done all you can
everything in your life falls apart
you try to catch the falling pieces
in your pain stricken hands
but the task is impossible to do
because their too small
like the grains of sand.

last or first night

scan scan scan. that is all me feel me get to do. me no like close spaces tho. this is why me no cover me feet lot. no shoe no blanket, no dog or cat lay on them, unless me feet is real froze. me would no wear shoe at all if me no had to.

me has had long nite. me no could sleep. me had real bad seisure and me fell out bed hit me head. it was no bad hit but it knock me out real good. it cause some stitches an staples to come out. them fix it. me is no sure witch me has so me jus say both staple an stitchs.  me can no type well so me has to fix ton things before me act post things. me temp has gone up. it is 105.8 right now. me is see stuff gain an hear stuff. me is no pose to sleep but me fell sleep for bit.  me had dream bout snake that was chase after me. it was big snake. it ate one me pets. there were snake all in wit me pets. it was weird scare dream. me no stay sleep long haha. me wake up scare. me hate snakes. yuck! them let me sleep for few hours tho. it was no much but me feel jus small bit better.

me has have 4 scans today. them say puss is no go way an them is go have do surgery morrow. 9-11 hour surgery. them is go try cut out infection out me head. them say if it cut out than me will get better. drugs are work for most part just not wit infection in me head.this make no get, no worry, me no get either. me keep have real bad seisures. them is no fun.

some one sent me pic of outside day. them say it beautiful. on way back from one of them scans them stop at window an me got to see how pretty it is out. even wit the clouds it still look pretty out.

me is lost lot um wait. me bet me is as much as me dog. me use wait 125-130, now me wait 85-90. me cloths are lose. real lose. me no look to good. me is go go as skeleton for halloween. it a joke, lol. me is all white an me look like ghost or zombie. so this leave me options open. who kno by halloween me could act be a ghost. me is go start protien shake or what eve u call them. me just have find good one, so if u kno good one, please say me.
me like halloween. me member that me parents had bunny costume an all us kids were bunny for halloween til us was to big to be bunny. me went as ninja lot times. one year me even went as dead princess. me no think there any pics so you is sol, sorry out luck, lol.
me think halloween last year me stay home wit me dad an ate all candy cuz all the kids were in me granma hood. no joke. if u eve go to st jo dur halloween all kids in town go to deer park to trick an treat. us went there lot when us were kid. it get so pack that u can no drive thro any of them streets. u can get wole trash bag full of candy. but me watch ghost hunters live wit me dad, well him fell sleep, so me watch it. me ate all candy an me was sit in dark watch ghost hunters. if me is out by then or no a ghost, me is go sit at home lone watch halloween stuff.

me has spent most time me is wake watch cosby, this channel call tbn. it have lot of cool cartoons on. me learn bit bout god stuff. me watch wizards of waverly place an gaithers.

so me has some asks an me is go ask them here cuz persons just avoid me if me ask them. so me ask them here
- who is god? - if him is me father than do that mean me have 2 dads? - who is jesus? - the bible is god's word right? - what is heaven? - what is hell? - what is a blessing? - what do it mean to admire?

them is just few me has.

me has got sick er. me has be have lot seisures. me has be puke lot of blood. an me temp is now 106.0. :/

one thing me real like is some the things bambam say. her say to me that what eve me blog bout is important to her cuz it important to me. me like lot things me friends say. me jus no take well cuz it is weird for me to hear them things.

me has this thing call messages from god. Josi ask me to do it on facebook. the message today say this:
- On this day of your life, Brittany, we believe God wants you to know ... that you've been talking to God too much, and not listening enough. Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you. -
 me is no sure what this mean. pray is say to god, an me has no be do this, cuz me is no sure how. how can god be answer if me has no ask?

yester day me message say this:
- On this day, God wants you to know...that it is time to finally forgive yourself. You've carried the guilt, the shame for long enough. You've kept your wounds open for long enough. The time has come to let go, to heal. Keep the lessons and let the pain heal. Yes, you know what we are talking about. -
  how do u forgive u? forgive mean to say sorry? so me would be say sorry to me? me is no sure what them talk bout. an so many me friends are like ya listen this. so now me feel dumb, cuz it sound like me should kno an me no kno. 


me hate when me feel dumb. me is alread dumb, an it no help when others add to it. me has decide me is go clean out me facebook friends. not that me has many real friends on facebook. what a loser me is. no joke. so me is ask most me friends if them want stay friends. if me no ask that cuz me alread kno u answer.  


me has surgery morrow. ya, it scare me. me no kno why. guess cuz me feel all lone. but that me. me also feel persons just walk all over me an no me no llow it. it is like me is no important. me could die an be dead for weeks, an me no think persons would even kno or care. me is frustrate. 


me need some major friend time, me need some major person time.

fry day

me had scan earl e this am. me feel like me brain is fry in me head. like eggs in a pan. cept this is a real BIG egg, ok, so no so big but lot big than egg. jus bit big than egg. me brain is real small. them say a scan late today an that will um choose if me need surgery or no.

me have nice say wit ash an shorite. all me has see all day is that me is sweet kind awesome people an that there is no way me could eve be jerk. me think there some wrong wit them. shortie say me no see good in me or good part of me. me kno me has good part but me no like to brag on it. me also kno me is jerk mean selfish an me complain lot.
ash say it jus me try figure out what go on in me world, that is true to, but me complain too much. her also say me is jus say how me feel.
few say them like read me blog. me is no sure why. them say it is me life in words, it is encourage, me is super sweet, an me is honest bout how me feel. this is no true. me is no alway all honest. me start say thing an then me choose no to, me jus feel it is go be super harsh an mean an hurt someone. this is no me life in words, some of it is, but no real. me no see how it encourage at all. have any u eve yum me? no, then how can u say me is super sweet? :P
me is sure me is be sweet when me point out that some me friends who say them me friends are be super jerks an no good friends or friends at all. yep that sure is sweet of me. but me no care. me is go be honest bout it. there is no excuse to take one minute out of day to say hi or that u is think of someone. me no just say this for me. me is say this for all. it no have be facebook, text u friends. if u say u friend be a friend or fry away the friendship. me is no say to me friends on, me is say to all world. be friend to others that u want to have. if u want good friends be good friend. if u want awesome friends be an awesome friend.
yep. me jus say that. it is what me think. wit that said. me is no awesome friend, so me no kno why me has awesome friends. serious.

me has be dumbfinded by few simple thing that few persons have say to me.

shortie say her like when me wake cuz then her can say to me.
bambam say that what me has to say is important an her want to hear what me has to say.

these are things in me whole life that me has no ever once hear. an if me has me no member, or persons no real mean. me cry when them both say them things. me kno them mean it. persons alway thing me is shy but truth be say, eve time me try say some persons alway act like me is no worth hear an shove me off like me is no thing. an use it me hear that persons can no wait for me go to bed cuz that on time that life is real good for them. me no real eve hear any one say them like say wit me. so it is total weird to hear it, but it jus make me stop an me heart sink. it would u too if u spent most of 22 years hear that u just no worth the listen to, or say wit.

piglet say the me is encourge mint. her say this (me copy an paste) -

And some people are heroes by the way we see them live their lives. They keep going through the sunshine and the rain, no matter what. You are one of those people. You keep pushing through even though life kinda sucks at the moment...

me no think persons realize me struggle. eve day me fight wit the thot of die. will today be the day, will me make it thro, die seem so much easy choice than fight, it make all happy if me did die or do die, no one miss me, life would be so much better wit out me...an yat yat ya. it is a day an hour struggle. me think what is me fight for, why should me keep fight, blah blah blah. it serious stuff.

no to mention that me get frustrate wit the um constant god thing persons say. back to square one. truth is me no care bout rerelearn all gain right now.that bad? me is jus to tire. an if me is go have nother surgery me just feel me should wait. me no want forget gain. if u is go say some bout god, gain me say this, make sure u say me that me get it.

me will help u bit. me mind set is no that of me age, me mind set is that of kid. so no do all time, but say stuff as if u say to kid, main when it come to real hard stuff, big words, an god. me will say if me get or no get.

yester me blog bout how me was no sure me was go get go to ash an stephen wedding. me an ash was say an her say that if me is out of hospital by wed time that them would come get me. me would be special guest. me brain want to take it one way, special as dumb friend wit cane who can no speak an can no be on own, but, yes me mention a butt, haha (me love that joke), me let me heart  take it as a friend them love. it make me feel good. her say if me is no out then them can set up skype so me can sort be there. me was think, that be awesome an bambam could watch too.

me real like say wit ash yester. us say bout old cartoons. it was good. me LOVE cartoons, but mainly old ones. an some newer ones too. me use like the dumb sidekick persons on the cartoons, an right now me feel me can relate to them. man, it would be awesome to be patrick star, or cosmo!!!

me also say wit mama canady for bit. me is go have find name to call her. me has thing wit names.. an late nicknames have help me kno who is who. bambam is like u can jus call her mom, but me has on real eve call one people mom an that was me mom. some time me call me aunt mom, an it the family thing round here wit me sibs so me say wit others some time me mom, but me no like to. so me has got find name for her. me love mama canady an her make me heart do this --> :D . yep. her is so sweet an kind, love an care, an her pass it to her girl, bambam. which mean that that family has be awesome. no joke.

me temp is 105.4. me head is real hurt lot. me has ice pacs an the room is cold, but me is so hot. me keep have seisures. them is no fun. me fell off bed to ice yester nite. nurse made in both time to keep me head from hit ground. them fin put strap over me. so me is strap like seat belt in me bed. me want sleep all time. me on get 2 3 hour at time an then them wake me up. me is no dog. them use let me sleep lil longer in morns. me no want feed tube so me try eat what them give me. me eat most it an then it jus come right back up. them is try keep me from go deaf. me is alread half deaf in me right ear. even tho sometime me can hear real well wit that ear. me keep have blind in me left eye. it come an go. them is prise me has no have stroke yet. yester nite pain was so bad for most nite that me was shake so bad me was hold on to bed arm cuz me was scare me was go shake right off me bed.

me can no wait have me phone back. it be nice. me want to get motorola phone. me need get sd card for me phone. me hope me can find some one to get me pics off me old phone. it has me first pics of stardust.
me needs to get new glasses too. me has had these no change for 5 years. me can see wit out them, it just far way is some blur. me has stigatism.

me like all me friends lots. me wish me got say wit them more. me is go be real happy when me get met them aall an see them gain. yes yes.

when me horrible pain fin went way an me stop shake, me was think bout when me move. me cide me is go try find me nice van or jeep or wagon to buy an me is go give Wilbur to me aunt, or me dad. an me figure gas an it on under $300 to get there. no bad. an it 1 day an few hour trip. but that no case for me. it is go be longer. cuz me is go sleep for bit. haha. me keep think bout video that Julia show me an the seals. them were funny. me is happy to see seals. it may sound dumb. me has on see seals an other animals in the zoo. me is no so scare of water no more. high is nother thing. haha. me think as long as me wit bambam me has no thing be scare of, haha, cept her. lol. her is one tuff cooke, jus no try eat her. lol.
me is go try take plane out there to visit at end of January. me think me will welcome break, be glad to meet the fam, and get seat next to window. yep.

them agents say them is go set up cams an start investigate next week. an me is go get watch whole thing, bo-mean yay! (me is go sleep thro most it.) haha. me forgot what them is investigate but me is sure me member some time.

me hate member an then forget an member gain. it sucks balls. yep me say it.

me was come back from scan this am an there was to nurses push a gernie down hall wit some one who had die on it. it has be on me mind lot day. me think bout chris an die. me think bout me sis an me mom. me think bout me granpa, me think bout Tiffany, an so many other persons who have die. me has be to lot of funerals.

me is no sure what me do for weekend yet. it be cool to sort have video chat. tho me can no do video, u can. me can no. haha. me can no do voice chat, u can. me can no. but that be cool. watch movie or jus see some new. yes u be new to me eyes. lol. an it be nice to hear some other than this silence or machines. but me no think it happen. haha. it dream. just like me wish some one send lot of paint haah, me can throw all over walls an then it be some new to look at. haha.

me watch Alice in Wonderland wit shortie. her did lot of say dur movie. which is ok. me like it. me love movie.

me family has be stress me out an me is no eve there. me is glad me is no there right now. me sis is have problem wit her ex boy friend an him family, me aunt is have problem wit her husband, me sis an me bro are steal an get real deep into drugs, one bro is deal wit court, me other bro me twin is be threat an all sort stuff. what me real hate is that me sis exboyfriend fam has come over to me dad house an cause trouble an in process hit me dog. that is big no. us no hit animals in me house unless it spank for be bad, but that is out of love. me is very mad bout it.

me has had bad rest of day. me seisure real bad an hit me head. it knock me out real good. right now me feel like crap. me feel worse than me did before. me is alway get worse an no better. 

grave digger

this could be me last blog. no cuz me go stop spell but cuz me may be in me last hours. but this could be you last hour too. any hour can be our last hour.

yester nite me temp go up 5 degree in 90mins. me got real sick. me puke blood an what eve else me body could. me start shake lot. me were real cold at first an then me go back an forth from cold to hot. me have lot pain. feel like some one is over an over stab me an kick me. me head is hurt lot. me has had 4 seizures since 2am. me is see stuff an hear stuff. me is dizzy. it hard breathe. all this is still go  on.
them has do tests an scans since all this start. me has no be able sleep. them no let me sleep. them fraid me go into coma an die. them has no idea what wrong wit me. me temp right now is 106.4.

me friends are mazing. me love them. me love you. me would love have friend here to hold me an tell me it all go be ok. me know that sound weird, but me is so tire of be in this room lone. no at all.

persons say them are proud of me, them is honored to be me friend, but me has no do no thing for persons be proud or honored. if me do any thing it is complain lots.

me ask michael bout heaven an him say to me not much but nuff that me got it. him say that when you get to heaven it like big party. him also say that there be many persons that would miss me if me go. me is try believe him but it hard.

me say to me friend that me no know if me make it to her wedding. her is mad at me. me feel real bad bout it. me can no help it.

me an Jasi watch movie nite an it had part that cause me to member why me is in hospital. me an me stupid self. me still blame me for it. no matter what persons say me think me will alway blame me or it will take while til me no do.

me had scan. me hope them find some. me was in bathroom an me look in mirror an you can see where one scar is cuz hair is gone. lol.

shortie say she tire and was go to bed and me say to her goodbye like it be last goodbye ever. it no make me feel good at all.

me is very lone here. me feel very lone. me know that some me friends no know what to say but me wish them just say something. say wit me, ask me some asks, or something. it be better than me feel like me is some sort disease that them can no even say to.

me feel like me should be dig me own grave. just dig hole an you can throw me in it. that is how me feel. this is me blog. this is me life. me is no who me use be. me feel like kid. me has to relearn ever thing an me has learn how walk lit an non lit on me own gain. battle up for war, fight me battle, an be a victor. or least try.