Masquerade

me has do lot of discover me self. or me old self. me is try find out what me like in music an movies an ect. TFK is awesome, an their song masquerade is mazing. but that is no why me name this post that at all. nope.

yester nite was a no other nite of no sleep. so bear wit me if me spell is off an if me has revert back to a pervious version of me self. what me mean by that is spell version of me self.

me got skype wit ash for a bit. it was real good to see her face an hear her voice. it was nice to get to see a real person, live. me was pose to skype later that nite wit both ash an stephen but some thing came up an it was late an, well, them was go have big busy day today, so me was like, it is ok.

a few mins later me start seisure bad. me real wish them would go way.  it fin got to point where me had to get off me laptop an move it way from me. mme watch lot of disney channel. least me temp is now 104.8.

at 9 am me tv switch to live feed of the investigation. it make me sick to me stomach to watch an hear all that. about 3 one the guards came in wit me mail. by this point me was try to hide me from the tv. me blarred music, an hid under me pillows. at 5 it went off. me was so thankful.

shortie is awesome. ever time me think bout her me has the shortie song go thro me head. you know the one that go - shortie like a melody in me head got me go nananaa ever day got me ipod stuck on replay replay. it is a bad song but if you know me shortie than you can gree, her is one person you no ever get tire of. me got mail from her today. her sent me the sun. no joke. ok. no the act sun, but her catch the sun wit rope an pull it into a card to give to me. the card was awesome! an her sent me phantom of the opera! the newer version. it is her so me has give it back, which is no prob, but me think it is mazing!

me love phantom of the opera. it is good movie. an it puts me to sleep. so me will prob no make it thro the movie once, but me will get sleep. haha. sing to me....da da da daa.

me has no yum today at all. me is still heve. yuck. sad ness.

shortie say when me is out or able have visitors her is go come visit me an we are go have lots fun. this is go be nice. me would real love that.

me love me friends. no joke. an me is go be real cited when me can visit them.
me do no like idea of be in moberly, nor st. jo an me is real glad me is no in kc. those boys family lives in one of those 3 cities. but me is no fraid of them. ok, may be just a bit, but that is on cuz me is no strong nuff to stand up or protect me.

me got a letter from me cousin Allen, him is in prison for drugs an steal. me is go start email him. me has also be get letters from those guys family. eve one of them ends up go to agents. but it make me feel like me is at fault. but there is no a day that go by that me no feel me is no in some way.

just like me say to ash yester nite. me hate put me friends thro all this, so many rules an things that me can an can no do, it freakin sucks. an me hate put them thro that. no a day go by that me do no blame me self for so much.

an wit monday just round the weekend, that blame game is get more players involved. monday be 4 years since me mom be dead. me fam blames me for it, for no be there, for so much, but me alway get blame for most thing in me fam. no big deal. me feel like that lil kid gain: now look, you made you mom leave. - you alway got to ruin eve thing good for me. - it is you fault me no has boyfriend. -why were you no watch you sister? - if you had do this, that would no ever have happen. -me hate you. -it you fault me try kill me. -it you fault that me can no get high/drunk/laid. -it you fault we are live on street. -you on got beat because what you did was bad. -it you fault me did this or that or them did that or this. an so on.
but that was no as bad as what me hear when me try to get help: you is lie. - you did to you self. - you dad/mom would no eve do that, them is too nice. -me will no hear of it. -you deserve it. -the way you act, all nervous an stuff, say to us that you is lie. -how would you like to go to jail for say a lie? an so on.
me whole life it was a sea of voices an that was all them roar out. that is me lil spew for the week.

 who can real say that no of this is me fault. we all have part in ever thing, right?!

guess me spell is still bug some persons. lol. but me was glad when some one act try to correct me. my is one word that me brain will no let come in an stay. but me was glad that them least try.

me was pose to have date nite, but it no happen. ah well.

Jamie say that jesus is leprechaun. him say on an idiot would believe in a fairy tale like that. or one like there is a god. him want me to watch some bout darwin. me is go watch it cuz me say me would. an me listen to vic at flf. him say read thro psalms, an there you will find god an who him is. so me is go do that.
eve one wants me make decision. is it no nuff that me say that yes there is a god, or do me have to get down to details? sorry, it frustrate me. if you did no know, me is in hospital and still very sick. it is go take me prob more than few days to say hey this is who god is an this is where him is. but that is me fault to. me chose to get sick an forget god an what me believe. it is a hard thing. me is luck if me can member yesterday. an you want have big hard chat wit me bout god? no no NO! me is learn little by little eve day. me ask questions when me has them. me has take step by step. me feel like eve one want me to make a choice bout god an get all this out the way before me learn how to sit up on me own, stand, walk, or even speak. me will listen you talk bout god or about why there is no god, me will have chat wit you bout bible an all that stuff, but all me ask is that you stop push me. it is a thing that took me long time to learn before all this happen an now me has to learn it all gain an make a choice. 22 years is no go happen in 2 days or 2 weeks, if eve 2 months.

now on to some else.

me love me friends. me know me alway say this, but IT IS TRUE. me is learn from me friends but as me talk wit them them say that them is learn from me. me no get it real. me is no teach them any thing. me ask them asks, an them answer them, but that is no me teach. bambam say her is learn how to love how to be love an me is teach her lots, an shortie say her is learn to care for her friends an is learn from me. me no get. at all. me is a jerk most time. so me no see how there is love or care in taht.
ebony, who me has no hear from in while, say taht piglet talk bout me lots, an ash say taht her an stephen talk bout me lots. me ask is why? me no get me friends. them is weird, but awesome. haha, it like that nationwide commericial:  -...weird - but awesome!! haha. it is true. no joke. it is like them have bore lives an have no else to talk bout but me. that is weird, an bit creepy, but no true. haha. me love them. an it is good to hear that them love me too. or are talk bout me to eve one else but me, lol, jk. if me give them some talk bout that is fine wit me!

it is go be a weird long next 3 days. adventures away!

sleep

sleep. me love an hate it at same time. me no eve feel like me can get nuff an then when me do feel me get nuff me spend me whole day be tire like me has no sleep. grrr

sunday me spent in surgery. me wake up after surgery long nuff say hi to few persons. me was tire tho so me sleep. monday me sleep lots. yester me sleep no lot but more than me use do. me was freak out bout me facebook so me no got much sleep monday nite.

me no get say wit shortie much. me miss her. me did get say wit piglet bit before her turn shepherds, no kno if it the dog or persons (job no last name), into pie. me also got say wit josi for bit, her is real cool. me got say wit jasi too, her is no feel well an me worry bout her. me think her is go be real good at her job, her is real real good at it, her just no kno it that well yet. me got say wit ash lot. it was nice. me love say wit her. her made me cry wit her blog but it was good cry. made me feel real special. me is cited for them wedding, tho me no be there, me get see them grow young gether. me got say wit bambam too. me love that kid. haha. her think her is old, blah! me think her an few other me friends go be tire today cuz me no sleep well for us at all. so if them is grouchy it me fault. give them some ice cream!
me love all me friends lots. them make me heart happy. them help get me thro the day. them make me feel all warm inside.

me was go to go to bed at 9 an me did no fall sleep til 2 :/. me had dream me dad die. me was real sad. me wake up an me sent me dad message to make sure him ok. him is. the dream was no real but it has be very upset for me day.

yester me post was legacy. me no think me was clear on some of it. so me is go be clear here. me had dreams an me think me was work on them. me has to find new dreams now. friends keep say no give up on u dreams jus yet but me big one me kno me has no chance at now. guess it was no mean to be.
me will find new dreams an jus um adjust? me old ones. me legacy tho is no go be the one that was alway fight sick ness. no. me legacy is go be some much better then that.

monday when me could no sleep, me was stalk persons, lol. me found that most me friends are real deal wit motions an me say me no want add to it, well as much as me can help me do no want to. so me blog is go be different for now on. me is no go drain me friends but fill them wit as much encourage an positive an love as me can. me is no go post me blog wit motion galor in it. me is go help me friends be ease wit them day. an hope i t will help me too. if all fail, me has that post that is draft me can add too, lol.

me is no out to change the world me is out to change hearts.

me eyes hurt an me body is want sleep but me try an it will no sleep. me jus think me stay up til 6-7 an then me go sleep. me has be watch wizards of waverly place. glee was no on yester nite an it make me sad bit. one the nurse bring ice cream in. choc sensation an birthday cake. me like mix them gether. it is real good that way. it was way better than mash tatos, yogurt, app sauce, an soup. them is go start me on protien shake soon so me can start gain weight. them want make me fat, lol. me want steak med rare, chicken, ghetti, all sorts stuff. me tum is alway roar. me is drink lot of water.
as for walk, me is to tire an to weak. me is have trouble get me strength. me has hard time lift me head or arm. it take me ever to spell me posts. that why them is no that long.
them say me could get thing that all me has do is touch pic an it say word an say for me. me is no go be lazy. me is go speak for me one of these days. til then me can learn sign an me can type. it frustrate nurse an doc that me no use signs them have for me but me has to learn to do things.
me is get me own chair on wheels. it be nice have when me has bad days an until me can feel ok to walk long time on me own. it no new one but that ok. some one who read me blog say them want help an have one that me can have. so it is cool nice thing. them no live to far from me home town. it is real awesome an helps mind me that there is more kind nice persons than me think.

me has got to say wit stephen bit. it was nice. me is go take nap so me can say wit ash later. me is wake up at 7. me also got say wit kara for bit. me miss them faces!
stephen an ash have be big encourage in me life. me would no have made thro some or many nites wit out them help. me is thank to have them in me life. them is to friends me cherish.

me got me sim card day. but now have to fight wit phone company over minute thing. me is pose to have me time extend but me has no time at all. boo.

bambam is no have good day an me is try to help her feel better. me no think it is work tho. me post video on her wall. the song sound like some me hear before. me also has this song stuck in me head. it goes - u no have to worry an do no u be fraid, joy come in morn ... - me feel her need hear that song too but me can no find it.

sometime me has these thots an sometime me say stuff an no kno why. an me will say, me no kno why me say or do that but me did. may be it me mind try fix self. me no kno.

u will hear bout rest me nite morrow. eve day is an adventure. a journey wit new things, place, an persons! this is me adventure an one me hope u will be part of!!

love is a beautiful thing

 me keep have these random things pop into me head. so me look them up an them is song lyrics. so me think me is start member songs. haha. me think this is a yay.


 the doc say that me has had meninjitis for 3 weeks now. the pneumonia has covered it up. spinal taps are no fun. me has had one eve week but them is still no fun. no no. hurt lots. me is so tire but them on let me sleep few hours at time. them think cuz of "how bad off u are" that me will go into coma. me has no complain bout that. least me could sleep. it make more since now that me is have trouble get up when me do sleep. an all the other stuff make since too. me just think them should have find it sooner than did. me temp is still 104.8. least it no change.

bambam say her want to learn to love like me do. me just has big heart. me have no room for hate. me has had nuff hate from world so full of hate that me can no imagine show no thing but love. it like me smile idea. smile alway even if u no feel like it, u no ever kno day someone else be have an u smile may just save them life. all round u should smile an be love at all time. me on no smile when me is have real real real end of world bad day. even me worse days me smile an haha bout problems. that is when me is in me right mind.

more me say wit most me friends more me realize me is no smart, or even close. them know so much, an me kno them is old, yes me say it deal wit it :P, an them have had more life to learn stuff, but man what have me be do wit me life? me kno junk no thing. it ok tho. me pic them brains all time, or least me try. may be me pic smart friends to make me look no so dumb.

me kno stuff. like u can live wit out inner part of u brain the center, it has be proven, there is a kid who was born normal wit out the center part of him brain. eve 10 years u get a new skeleton. me kno that me is related to Jonathan Frakes, commander Ryker, from Star Trek TNG. all u trek fans be jealous, lol. no real do no. me has no ever met him an me is no sure how us relate.

me has had a sad week it seem. me is be struggle wit lot stuff. me no member god or jesus or bible or pray, an it frustrate when persons say stuff bout things me no member. if u is go say some thing then make sure put in way me can get. if me still can no get me will ask til me do. gree? an if me ask some please no ignore it. if me ask me real want kno.

me had say to me friends me is no go get to go to them wedding. me feel bad. me real want to. me is no sure me is go get to go to ash an stephen wedding. me is no sure if me be out of hospital by then, me real hope me will be, an if me is me no think me can drive for few weeks. so me has problem. lol. shortie ask if me can make card for them. if me do me do no want it be all scribbles. mean it look like stuff to me but it no look like no thing but scribbles to eve one else.

it frustrate me me can no spell, me try spell love an me no could. it was jus scribbles. frustrate me me can no walk or stand or step. me work so hard an me is back at square one. me have type wit me point finger cuz me no member how type.
me is mad. me no like have start all over gain. me no like be in this room wit no window, wit no company, me no like be hooked up to all these things. me no like be sick. me no like that me whole life me is go be held back by the fact me brain no work right. me is mad that me dream is some me will no ever get to accomplish. me no like that now the on company , if me even do, is the chats on facebook, or messages.
me is mad me can no eve look out the window. it be nice to have piece of outside in here. stead of the white walls, me bet me could say you where all cracks are in this room.

me is be selfish an complain. me should be happy that me is no in worse place. me do have computer an internet. an me friends sort live in it. me has good friends. me has hosppital go to. me watch lot of news an me is very thank for what me has.
me is just mad an me got let it out.

me watch tron yester nite, it was sad but good. me would love have more movie nite wit friends, or even just chat. me welcome company. me has yahoo messenger an aim.
me got me phone yester too. but sim card no work. me is make me agents do all the work. them no like talk phone company but me no can. haha. it is funny.
me went bed watch wizards of waverly place. me love that show. it funny.

me is pose to have bambam card by now but agents say that it has no show up at dress. so me is no get card an that ok. haha. me is very thank for bambam. her is good friend. her say her want be like me when her grow up, her is real big kid me guess. truth be say, me want be like her. her is kind, patient, love, sweet, care, pretty inside an out, her heart so big me is sure me have be travel for days in it. me no think her know how much her impact? world.

this is me blog for now. yester post had most views. an that post was one of me worse post.
me hope you is ok an do well. say me u day or how u do, it be nice to hear from u. me love.

grave digger

this could be me last blog. no cuz me go stop spell but cuz me may be in me last hours. but this could be you last hour too. any hour can be our last hour.

yester nite me temp go up 5 degree in 90mins. me got real sick. me puke blood an what eve else me body could. me start shake lot. me were real cold at first an then me go back an forth from cold to hot. me have lot pain. feel like some one is over an over stab me an kick me. me head is hurt lot. me has had 4 seizures since 2am. me is see stuff an hear stuff. me is dizzy. it hard breathe. all this is still go  on.
them has do tests an scans since all this start. me has no be able sleep. them no let me sleep. them fraid me go into coma an die. them has no idea what wrong wit me. me temp right now is 106.4.

me friends are mazing. me love them. me love you. me would love have friend here to hold me an tell me it all go be ok. me know that sound weird, but me is so tire of be in this room lone. no at all.

persons say them are proud of me, them is honored to be me friend, but me has no do no thing for persons be proud or honored. if me do any thing it is complain lots.

me ask michael bout heaven an him say to me not much but nuff that me got it. him say that when you get to heaven it like big party. him also say that there be many persons that would miss me if me go. me is try believe him but it hard.

me say to me friend that me no know if me make it to her wedding. her is mad at me. me feel real bad bout it. me can no help it.

me an Jasi watch movie nite an it had part that cause me to member why me is in hospital. me an me stupid self. me still blame me for it. no matter what persons say me think me will alway blame me or it will take while til me no do.

me had scan. me hope them find some. me was in bathroom an me look in mirror an you can see where one scar is cuz hair is gone. lol.

shortie say she tire and was go to bed and me say to her goodbye like it be last goodbye ever. it no make me feel good at all.

me is very lone here. me feel very lone. me know that some me friends no know what to say but me wish them just say something. say wit me, ask me some asks, or something. it be better than me feel like me is some sort disease that them can no even say to.

me feel like me should be dig me own grave. just dig hole an you can throw me in it. that is how me feel. this is me blog. this is me life. me is no who me use be. me feel like kid. me has to relearn ever thing an me has learn how walk lit an non lit on me own gain. battle up for war, fight me battle, an be a victor. or least try.

think

me last post was very short an no full much.

last thing me want is be left lone. me is tire of be lone. me no want do nothing. me no want look out window me no want try walk, me no want read story, me no care to do any that. me no even care to get better.
me no like feel this way at all.

me on got 3 hour sleep. me try nap. eve time me close eyes me see no thing but bad. me is real tire tho.

this post call thinks cuz it full of thing me think bout.

walk. me is like that me can walk some. me has work real hard at walk. it just hard to get use to cane. me like me cane but it just hard walk wit. me no know bout run any time soon but me hope me get take walk in park. me would like take bubbles for walk, but me prob need friend to help. me would like just take walk wit friends.

outside. me do like be outside. me like walk barefoot. me like  have window open in me room an sleep like that. me like sit outside wit dogs an take in nice day. me like take blanket an lay on it in yard wit dogs or friends. me also love listen rain an thunder. me love snow fall.

moms. me love parents. me love meet other persons parents. me think parents are cool. me love to learn from them. me love to see how dads do thing, and learn from them. me mom has be gone for 4 years this month. 25 at 948pm. me member it, it was thursday. me miss me mom. last thing us did was fight an last thing her say me was out anger, me hate you, that what her say. me has no real eve have real mom. me mom was in drugs an alcohol an do stuff wit lots guys. her left when me was 6-7. us no see her for years. then her come round an us no like visit wit her. her would alway pic guy over us. me alway say me is no go be like no either me parents. no no. me love moms. me is very happy to meet momma canady.

work. me has job. it good. easy. an me make sort good money. me is hope by time me move me no need to have cane so much an me will be able speak lot more than not. me think me would like security job for now. me no care if me has work nite shift. ok me do some but it be nice to work nite shift few time week. me think. me know there airport an there is bowin factory. so me is go look into stuff.

strings. me is no like leave me granma. her no know no thing bout what be go on. her just think me is real busy or out town. me dad say that when me move he say to her that me is go off to college. me feel me is go move an then me is no eve go see her gain. an me no like that feel at all. me has decide that me is go spend me first year in wa that mean holidays too. it no go be easy but me will do. then the next year me will go be wit me fam. me animals. me no like leave bubbles here but me is get to be ok wit it. me think me dad an me both have web cam an us have phone so me can say hi eve once in while. me is go miss have stardust lay on me purr purr purr eve nite but him be ok. me car. me has no decide if me is go take me car up there or buy nother car that will make it up there. me think me is go leave lot me no so portant stuff here, til me has place for it.

god. me say to me friend me no know if god is me god. lot of me friends say me trust god, god will take care ever thing, pray to god an say him. me feel like it way for them to blow me off. them no get that me real no know god. me may have but me no do now. them think if them say them things then it make me feel better an it no do. me do pray all time but it no seem help. may be god no like me, may be him loss hope for me. me has read me facebook an twitter an other stuff an me use to believe in god but fact be me no do now. me is work on know god an me is no sure if me believe in him or no. if god be an easy pass an a way for friends say ok me help you now you all better than me is no sure bout god.

sleep. me no has sleep well. yester nite me had dream where me mom was go kill her an me was try stop her. me ran to hospital roof an was hear voicemail her left on me phone. her was say sorry there no thing you can do me love you. an as me jump to save her her jump to end her. it was very sad. me has had bad dream most me life it seem.

home. me is hope go get go home wed. me know me fam has be jerks, them alway are. me just wish them would be um supportive for once. me know this no happen but it be nice if it do, this is how big an dumb some me hopes are. me would like to get home an them be banner say welcome home an flowers an balloons and it be like nice lil party. but me on dream. so me think when me get home me is just go go see movie after me is home for hour or to.

me know me blog yester was short an me seem like jerk, so me spell this an me still sound like jerk bit but me no care. it me job title - jerk, an sound like a jerk is under job duties. so deal wit it. :P

yes me can

yester nite was good. no good me head was kill me. it was good cuz me friends make it good. me was get frustrate wit persons who say them me friend but yet treat me like me is worthless crap. an it was real bug me. me feel like me was let lot get to me since me was real tire an drug up an no to say the pain too. bambam was like say to me. at first me just feel like me be hassel. me was upset wit way some me friends treat me an me just feel me was go say some wrong an come off wrong to bambam an make her mad. then me think, me has no ever make her mad or o least that what her say to me. so me say her some what in me heart. an us talk. me like when us talk. make me feel better an me know it real did yester nite.

me is use to be good friend an no have good or great friends. me is real glad god give me great friends. bambam say to me that may be god show me who me good friends are an who me bad friends are. me no friends wit just anyone on facebook. me is careful bout me friends on facebook. me even make it hard to find me. me no give me location on facebook either. good number persons no know where me live or what town me is in. it kind funny.

me has be watch big bad beetleborgs. me use watch as child but it see lot better. it still pretty good.

me had hard nite sleep. me wake up lot. me head hurt lot lot lot. it on cuz it real sensitive. me no can shower gain for 7 days. boo.

me had nuff in me bank count to get me a nice hat an a cane. them should be here soon. me still has get new phone an look at get new laptop. me also think me need beanie. me hair short, an it get cold out so me head get cold.

yester me was happy hear from Jerusha, Tiffany, Jasmine, Rachel, Nikki, Tina, Michael, Ashley an Stephen, an Kim. it made me glad. make me smile when Kim an me got say for bit. me is so happy to get meet her. an what real make me happy was bambam say me that her an me big sis becks friends on facebook! now me two big sis' friends an it awesome. me an bambam gree us need visit her.

so now me have two mazing thing look forward to in me future. move to washington an visiting me big sis. but one the most happy things will be to give real hug to bambam an her parents instead of a scribble picture hug.

me end up sleep good long time. me wake up an me head still hurt me lots an lots. it smell real real real yum in me room. nurse put what she say a candle warmer an candle in me room. it smell mazing!

me sis becks post video on me wall. it was lot to get in me brain so me no got lot. me just know it was sad.
me sis bambam spell on me wall that her watch sun rise. her say it very pretty. me is very glad her got to do that. she say me is much more mazing than sun rise but me no know them are pretty mazing, me think. lol

me no like to take joy in me. me know me has thing that make me awesome at times but me no like to brag bout or stuff. me think there so many in world who no know that them is mazing or love an them need it no me. me like say to persons how awesome an special them are.

me has pt in bit. me go eat first. me think them go start me try steps. me is very scare cuz me has no had stand an go down or up in step. me has learn an get tho. me think piglet live on top story an her prob has lot of step. me has to get up them all if me go stay wit her. :)

me has ask - how you end a pray? me no member an me no think no one say me how. what is church? what is minister?

me put ? by words cuz me no sure if me um say word right or if it right word to say or all that fun stuff.

me is yum so me go eat now then pt. when me say go me mean me be in bed but me go eat cuz me is yum. me would share wit you but it be no good by time it get there. lol.

me go pt. me did very good. me even spell one word on paper. guess what word was? no, you no right, are you? me spell LOVE. me took more steps today. them say them take me outside morrow!!! yes yes. them surprise me wit me can. it rived. it pretty blue. an it easy use. me like it. me did better in memory too. an me got one step up step an one down step. it was good pt. now me go try make to window later. me no think me will cuz me is tire but me is go try. yep.

me dad think it weird me have cane an him keep send me jokes bout it. me say him me go wack him wit me cane. me do no think him believe me. me no lie. me will wack him. no me prob no wack him. haha. it sound nice tho. but me no like be mean. me no like hurt persons. no no. me like be very nice. me show you.
one easter me family an me were at bartlett park for egg hunt. hunt had finish an me had do good. me was walk round an there was kid cry. me was on 7-8. me ask why him cry. him say him no get no thing. so me open me bag an me gave him all that was in it. him mom came over an watch whole time say to me you no have do that. me say me no real need any this. me uncle an cousin come over an ask what happen all me stuff. me say to them what me did an me uncle made me cousin give me some his stuff. me do stuff like that all time.

me is no go worry bout me computer for now. it ok. me no worry bout me car. since me no use it most time or hard any time me let me aunt worry bout it instead. me phone. me get pay check even tho me be in hospital so me should be able get phone if me phone now no work. it just suck. me pics an stuff on it. boo.

me go read bible story. me read story of the message. here me asks -
    if joseph good then why in jail?
    how did joseph care for other persons in jail?
    why would butler forget joseph when joseph help him?
    why would corn eat corn an cow eat cow? it me no get.
    how did king know that joseph was wise?
me read story of a surprise visit. here me asks -
    why had no food grow for 7 years?
    why did joseph no say to them that he was their brother?
    why were his brothers afraid of him?

me watch wizards waverly place. max got turn to girl an there was no way turn him back. him parents enter him into girl contest an him won. it was funny. me love this show. batman cartoon on an me love this. me use watch ever sunday at 5.

me has be feel pain in nother part of me body. it is no good. me no like it. me lip is feel bit better. me is read for it no hurt. it hard to eat. an me lip alway go dry. me head is still hurt much. it hurt as much as it did yester nite. but me is no a big baby bout it today.  me cut me finger open day. me no mean to. haha. it was hurt lot now me no even know it hurt.

me is get yum. me go eat.

me made to window!!!!! me get put blinds up an look out. it is pretty. me see trees an grass. them trees are pretty colors. sky is pretty colors. it pretty outside! yep. today be great awesome day! an me nite is go be peace an nice too!

short stuff

me has a dream yester nite but me no member much of it. me just know me has had the dream before.

me wake up an me sleep good. me had ice cream yester  nite me watch roseanne. an me also talk wit bambam for bit. me like talk to her. her is smart. her try talk where me can get it. it no alway work but most time me get.

day is day them make scars small. me has got use to them an go miss them big. but if me let them try new kind of surgery then them is go pay for most me bills. them also try new thing to fill in dent in me head instead use metal. me no know if me pose talk bout it but me is just  no say no thing. lol.
me is kind scare. me has no feel good since yester nite. me temp has no go up so that good. me just hope them no make mistake. that no be good. me is do good at try walk an me no want wake up an find me no can walk. no no.

me think me no good person. them say you reap what you sow. an me think me get nuff to know that bad persons have bad stuff happen them and good persons have good stuff happen them. it no pose be other way round. me phone broke, me computer has some wrong wit it, me hear me car fall part, me is sick an in hospital, me brain is sick. me just no know.

me had therapy. no do much. it was normal time. short um session.

me has go so um pray for me.

out. tire. nap.

me no can sleep well. me head hurt lot. me mouth hurt too. me is still real tire. me has spell blog or some might get mad.

me go watch big bad beetleborgs and read story. bambam say no to give up an to put me asks in me blog. guess this way me no bother me friends wit dumb asks an more persons can have chance answer.

me read story of the dreamer. here me asks.
     parents are pose to love them children all same so why did Jacob love Joseph more than the others?
     why did him brothers want get rid of him? that no very nice.
     how do god watch over we?

me is to tire read nother story. me is yum so me try eat.

me ask that if you pray for me that you pray for me lip, it real real real hurt an you pray that me head no hurt so much. me say thank.

me go eat. be on facebook. watch beetleborgs. an sleep. me sorry blog so short. but some time it better be short than do to much. me love.

pictures

yester nite me was down an sad for bit. it is hard be here an the on face you see is those of nurses, docs, therapists, an few times other patients an/or them visitors. me miss me friends, them have be real help an love an nice an before any this me was no good friend at all. me no member much but me do member that fact. an yester nite me keep ask me why them be good friend to me when me has been no real friend to them? this some me ask all time to me. me do know to me miss them.
me miss me family. the yell the fight the jokes an just be wit them. me miss me animals stardust bubbles gumby even elvis, him is no me but him think him is. me miss me no so comfy bed an me dresser me still have from when me 3. me miss lot stuff.

yester nite me got real mad an upset. me was scare. me no want be sick no more, me no want to no no talk, me want to walk normal. me want to feel better and be better person. me think cuz me was real tire that it add to them feel.

me stay up an watch roseanne and wizards of waverly place. make me go haha real hard. me love to go haha. me is kid even tho me adult. me love cartoons and kid movies. them shows make me feel better. happy. me was up to 230. me went sleep.

me had dream bout airplane an persons from me high school day were on plane. me be on plane once but no member. me was on plan sit next window. me was scare cuz me no like high. persons me knew were be mean an make me feel no want. plane took off an me was no scare. me look out window an it was nice. me no member lot of the dream but me woke up mad an sad.
before me fell sleep me was think bout go on plane  an visit bambam. me no think her like that, but me was think bout it. me dream mind me that me is let me past keep me from me future. no more tho. no more. me go kick me past right where mother nature split it. yep, me said it! deal wit it!

me woke up. me was tire sad mad. an then me had post on me wall an  it make me feel all better. me love get posts when me wake up, it make me day start good.

me went pt. me walk wit help of hold some, from me chair on wheels to the tape on floor where one the helps was at. me got first goal done. then me stand wit no help for a hole min on own. to goal done. me 3 goal is to hum or say word. me has 4 goal an that is to spell one word on paper right an in lines. me on have do 3 to get go outside!!!
them took me back to me room an me eat. yum. me can eat on own now. me no need no tube, yay. the tube hurt lot. me therapist walk in an sat an eat wit me. him say me slow down or you choke on you food. me was want food. me lift me head up wit me face full food an just stare at him then me smile an me think him was bit weird out by me. lol. it was funny!
me finish eat and me tummy went yum. it was happy. us play memory an me got 3 matches! 4 cuz bambam say that me love her and her love me and that make match, :) !

me read 3 story all bout isaac. me no get them. me is get frustrate an me think me just go stop read bible story. it real hard. an me friends no alway round to help me get story. maybe if me can watch story or have some one read to me an answer me asks in person that help.

me eat dinner. it was yum. than me try make to window gain. 2 STEP AWAY!! an the blinds were down. :( . nurse say when me get there me can open blinds so it surprise. me want know if world pretty outside. me want know if it sunny an colorful. me love colorful. me just no like olive green. no no.

me watch glee. it was good. end was kind rush but hole show good. me love kurt voice him is me fav character. in real life him me age, him is real gay, an him voice is just as pretty.

just bit go me got real sad in me heart, deep sad for me friend. so me go pray for her lot nite.

me alway pray for me friend at nite sort like me do on facebook day. it help me fall sleep. an when me learn what pray is me has be do it lot. me love me friends. them nice. me like talk wit them.

morrow docs go fix me scars to look like one on me hand an face or close to them. it is a surgery but short one. it start at 230.
an me have pic so if some one say me lie me just show them pic. me hate when me told me lie. me no like lie so me no lie or if me do me no mean to. me love truth.

me got card today from kara an her send pic of we in it. me start cry. it was real nice. her one me fav friends. her alway happy an go haha. me love her! me is still wait for bambam's card, me think her cards no like me. maybe her should send to me home as me has got everything that be mail to me home. me have 3 cards an one video and chuggers. it real nice an me love them.

me is real tire. me has cry lot today. tho it has be good day. me is no cold but hot today. an me head itch lot. whole lot.

me name this post pictures. me got picture today. me picture what it be like outside window. me picture what me future go be like. me picture walk to window and back. me picture stand for more than min. me picture see me friends. me picture visit bambam. me picture move. me has lot of pictures in me head and me is just wait to watch them um, develope? in from me eyes an come to life.

pray dream or head dream

me have weird dreams an me go talk you bout it.

this me have sunday nite. 
               all me friends were there. all me friends from, me think college. Sara Mcguire, Nikki Canady, Patty Harness, Valerie Frankie, Becky an James Cross, Amanda Cairney, Ashley and Paul Cockram, and so many more. there were hundreds. us were meet at building that have big hill. me got there an all read on hill waiting. me was suppose be in hospital but them let me out for one day to see all me friends. me was walk down side walk to go be wit friends an me got to curb. me try step down but me fell an hit head. boo. me lay there for few bit and held me head. then me get up. me try walk cross street but me lost balance an had grab hold blue van to help me. real old lady came an give me blue cane. me had at start of dream but me must drop it. her talk me get in van. me did and then me talk me friends over there us got talk them where to go. me an me cane got out an start walk over there. me got there. me spend bit wit friends. then in flash us all at me granma's house on her front lon. me went in an say wit her bit. than me go outside wit friends. all friends start go house to home wit red bags. me think them get stuff from persons. there was tent in my granmas lon an um me can hear noises come out it. that all me talk bout that, lol. me was up walk wit friends then me get back to lon and fall back and take nap. me felt hands on me an me hear persons pray. then some in me hurt an me open eyes. me friends were all round me. few bit later an them all get up an walk up the street out of see. me wait bit then me talk persons in tent all them left and me follow. me found me in a building and this guy was try help me get out. him go look for map to help me find st. jo. him say me in texas. him help me get out door and me walk onto parking lot wit lots an lots of persons. me ran try to find me friends. me ask an no one can help. me make up hill an then me fall in water. boy came carry me out. him took giant snowman head wit 3 tube an put one in me mouth. him blow in it an me start breath. then me woke up.

this me have saturday nite

              me was at a home. me friend call me talk them found some and them be dig from 9:30pm til 7am an no be home that nite. me question if need help an them talk on if me want dig. me talk yes. them talk some be over get me. next thing me go down big street toward dark stormy cloud. me sister rachael were walk too an stardust were follow we. some guys get in way me talk her took stardust an go home. in road dark cloud was spin an most on road. me got past guys an walk to me dads house. stardust ran off an me had go next door an get him. family got in fight so me call me friend an them talk me to never call gain that all world hate me and the storm were go took me out all lives. then me wake up. no zombies. it just make me feel that me no real wanted any where. an remind me that me stick in dark

me have this one days go.

                         me keep go from hospital to hospital an before me go to next hospital me was out wit friends on roof lay on carry board. me go to next hospital. me was in room an me was wake up slowly me saw someone make card an it tape to window by door. there was 3 strips red paper also tape there next to it. me look over an there me friend Valerie sit next me bed. her get up to walk some but me know her bin there hole time. me woke up. - dream make me feel comfortable. me was sad me had no friends there wit me but me no wait see them. :)

me  have this dream days before that dream.

               me was out in parking lot an me big sis becks show up in lil dark blu jeep. her talk me get in so me do. her ask me how me am an us say. - no much happen in dream but me sleep good an me feel safe wit me sis. it was nice dream.

me think that some dreams me have cuz persons pray. me think some dream are cuz me head no sleep when me do. it be bad. lol. 

Week 4 Day 1

me sleep sort bad. me lip an teeth an head hurt all nite. keep move in bed try to get comfy. them give me few more pillow an them help sleep bit betterer.

from me bed all me can see when look out window is brick. me know sun out there but me no see no else. me go make to window this week me just know. me keep think what out there, is pretty, will me like. if pretty me just want stare out window. me hope me can stand long nuff to stare. me friend julia post link on me wall. it was good video. me love watch seal swim round an then make sound. it was funny. me real like it!

me got say wit me big sis becks for bit. me love her lots. her cool person. her love butterflies. me find butterfly cane that them butterflies glow on, but it too much for me think bout. her alway talk that butterfly are god's promises an blessings. me no sure what her mean but when me see butterfly me think her.

me have pt today. it go good me took 7 steps. no as much as yester but it still good, me think. me got one match at memory. me still no hum tho. sad. me say them bout video bambam make an cards me got and chuggers, an how me say me friends on facebook an text an how me real like it. them talk that it real good and that it seem to be help me get better. them ask me if me think me friends will make more video or send more card or animal, me talk me no know but if no it ok cuz me love them an them say wit me an that good nuff for me. doc no like computer thing at first but now him talk it help me an it good for me. now him like.

me have 6 scars on me head. them ugly. 3 on top, 2 on side an 1 in back. me hair is grow fast. doc say in month two me have look hard see them. :)

me has had time where me wake up an no can move legs, or me forgot stuff that just happen. doc talk this will happen for long time. some days me no walk good or no speak, some days me memory be real bad some days real good. him talk me take cane wit me just be safe. like bambam talk better safe than sorry.

it be long day. it was long weekend. me real loved movie nite wit bambam on friday night. me want to make her feel better an have better day but in end me no think it help. her pick movie, us no think us finish it cuz it were sad but then it have happy end. it good movie. the mom's eyes minded me of bambams.  me no know how me know what her eye color is but me was shock me was right.

me found me have music on me computer. it all good. there music from glee on too. one song me love love love is 3 lil words by press play. raise you voice an talk me love you. lol.

today me no too happy wit self. me no do as good as yester. me try me best. it no make feel good tho. me want to go um forward no back. kind bum bout it.

 me feel bad too. me family lie to me granma bout me. but it for her good. her very old and Chris just die few week before all this happen. me love me granma. yes!

  them took pic of me head an me see it. me no have bald spot at all. me hair is grow normal. me have so many scar on head face arm hand leg. it lot. me no have um tatoo or  um pearcing. no even ears. lol. now me have scar on me lip too. boo. hahaha.

  me dad talk me today. him talk me sister in trouble wit cops, sort no surprise. him is sick. boo. him also mind me of the 25th next month be 4 years. this sad.

me is bother by fact that me no member god stuff or college or stuff like that, but me member dates, an other non special stuff. it frustrate me. me no get mad, me no get angry, me alway forgive or me think that when you take some one sorry. me no hate no one. me no drink smoke or do drug. me think you should alway smile even if no feel like it, cuz it might save some one life. me think you need alway help even if think you no can. me think this stuff but me no know why me think this thing. what bother me most is me will member stuff in sleep but it be gone when me wake up. may be it best if there some thing me no member.

me read to story today. one bout um abraham an lot an how them no share so them move from one nother. the other story was when sarah an abraham was say them go have baby an sarah go haha in no believe. me on had to asks. :)

me had miss breakfast an lunch and for dinner me had biscutes and stew. yum yum. me want ice cream but me no feel me should have some since today me fail. sad.

me phone look like have be replace. sad. me no have money for new one. boo. an all me pics an all me friends in me phone. :( . sigh.

since me phone broke me has feel lone. me have computer yes but me friends no have it wit them all time. me miss me friends.  a lot an lot, even more than lot, much. it no good for baf be lone, no no. baf no like.

me take 12 steps, 4 way from make window. so frustrate. me no can go outside til me reach goals in pt. me hope that soon cuz me start think me no ever go make outside or to window.  :(

me go watch tv, or work on get to window. or may be me just lay here an think bout things. may be me go to bed soon. me is tire.

me hope you day has be good an that you is good. me pray for you yester nite. me pray for world.

4 Weeks An Counting

me no spell good so you have deal wit it! :)


me be here 4 weeks. me know no what happen or why me here other than me brain got real sick. me got real sick too. me hope tho that me on be here one more week.


Yester day me got took real shower. me got unstink. me smell real bad before me shower. me was scare me head look all ugly an like crack up egg. but it no look bad. me look like peach with marks on it. doc talk them fix up scars so them no that noticable. this make me smile. me no want scare children or me when me pass mirror? or windows. lol. me do has some hair. it no long, but me like feel it, it all smooth an nice. me no suppose rub it but me think it feel weird, sort in bad way, when me head is touch an you no can real feel dents. me forgot what them talk them did but some new thing. at least it no metal. lol. think try get thro airport or courthouse, lol.


me have be work to look out window. me want to see what out there an me hope it pretty. me member bambam talk me once her want send flowers. me look round me room and flowers be pretty in here. me start off an me could on stand 30secs me still no able stand well or balance well. me use monitor iv thing hold on to and try walk. me got 2 step then 3 steps and now 8 STEPS!!! that LOT for me. me o most make to window. me can see top trees an then me had grab chair on wheels an sit. sigh, me make to window soon.

me phone mess up. it turn on an go service day screen and then restart gain. me no money get replace, so me hope phone company replace it or fix it. net10 sucks. yep. me on have phone 3 months.

me thought me were go lose job but me found out me get more hours. so me go work 15 hours week.

also me look at canes an cute hats. me found few me like. blue cane that folds, me no know if me like that it fold or not but it got cushion handle. an hat blue plad, an other white wit black strips. me no know how me go get them but me know if there will there way, or me think that what them talk.

me be learn bout god, bible, jesus, pray, christian, an all stuff. me like it. me friends are very mazing an help me learn. them have talk lot over an over but that how me get it. me have child bible and adult bible, me read story every day out child bible. me like them pics. me no get story bout babel tower. me read story an put asks down an give to friends an me learn lot bout story from them. me learn lot bout hell. me no want no one go hell. make me heart hurt an me eyes cry. so me do lot pray so may be no many go hell.

me went to get adult bible and me fell an cut me up lip open. it no fun. it big an hurt. me feel like fish. lol.

yester me got box from mail. it have card an stuff animal in it. me love both. me name dog chuggers. him small but him cute an soft. me have got two cards an that all. that fine, me no think me get anything. me read them every day. me also got video on facebook an me watch that few times day. them make me happy and feel better. :D

me watch storm chasers an now me watch qvc christmas show. lol. me love christmas. me decide me want lil drummer boy figure for present. me fav song, me no member why. me play drums, maybe that why. me go bed soon.

me feel better me temp is 99.4 an be that way for few day me think. me alway have pain. me head hurt lot. me no sleep good so me alway tire. them took me off most medicine to see how me react an so far me do good!

tomorrow me have pt. may be me say them take me outside some time?!

me need try sleep now, me cold, so me get warm. lol.