time

8 hours of sleep is becoming a common thing. i still need to learn how to make meself take naps.

9-1030 was pt. me lift my arms above me head, yay. me legs are the hardest thing to work on. had pt gain from 3-345. i quit. i was try so hard an then got frustrated an quit. such a failure.
ate some apple jacks this morning. food is staying down. and for all those who have been wondering yes i am over the meningitis.

today e is very frustrate with lots of stuff, but me is be very prideful, cuz me does not want to upset anyone, an there for me is be selfish.

me is get new phone because me phone company is freakin dumb.

got to talk wit stephen a lot. last night him scared me. me is glad him is ok tho. us talk about the zoo an snow. him say that him an ash would love to pick me up the day me get ot the hospital. that would be awesome. me just have to wait for a response. i hate have to go thro people for decisions.

my face is al most back to normal. my hair is grow in fast. i asked to put a pick on me face on facebook an got a NO response. boo on them. me may just do it anyways. no joke.

me could rant but me is not go to.me just feel hopeless. disappointed. burdened. a failure. an the whole day me has struggled with a few big decisions. sometimes i think, this room, this building, may become me indefinite place, no joke. but what sucks most is that most of what me is feel, me can talk to no one bout. me feel me support system has dwindled. an those that say them is there, are not, so me has just give up on even try. cuz me has try an try an try an it has done nothing.

me is sit at me window watch the guest tv, waiting to see the snow fall, if it does. n me is think bout me message from god on facebook which said stop hiding from life an do what is deep in your heart. it is like it is rubbing it in my face, cuz what is deep in my heart, will never be a reality now. so there for, god, your message sucks today an do not you know that it is rude to rub stuff in peoples face?
sometimes i think that god, who ever him is or where ever him is, is laughing at this adventure called my life, thinking this mistake sure was a hilarious one. only keeping my life going to get a good laugh at it. and before you decide to tell me what i am thinking is wrong, remember it is just a opinion, and it is not cool to tell people that what they think is wrong. yes, this is come from a hypocrite. so deal with it.

day 2

me has no be sleep well. an about 12:15am me got to feel the crisp fall air an see the unstarry sky. me is tire of this. me has no clue why persons are so cruel in this world. there is no reason for anyone to have it set out that them is go destroy a person.
me new room is smaller, lot. no window still. me has met me new guards. there is six all to gether. them seem cool. two stand at door while one sit at nurse station. them switch up ever so often. there is to lady ones. one seem mean, but it just her seem, me no think her is. me could be wrong.


it is o most wed an it o read seem like it be week. again the tv was hook up to where me has to watch whole investigation. me is jus glad me is no there. one thing that stuck out today, an if me get in trouble for say this, ah well, was this:

          "her life is the on thing hold me here. wit out her, you would have no thing an me an me brother would be free. her life for the last 4 years has be no thing. her has be run, cuz her is wuss. her has be hid behind lie that ever thing will be fine when her kno it will no be. an her purpose, her has kno that too, an has love ever min of it."

it just went on an on. an him no ever admit to any thing, so them can no use no thing against him. :/ . feb 012 will be 5 years an if him is no charge by then them him will have less time. me o most feel it all jus go end up wit no thing happen. no sentence, no time, free to do it gain. an it that happen, an it happen gain, me no think me could live.
me no want go thro it all gain. #truth

eve one is say how it is def become fall out, cuz it get cold. me feel it too. it is cool in me room. me has 3 blanket. me sleep no soon after me got here an me think nurse, who is real nice, put extra blanket on me. me sleep real good wit it. me had lot weird dreams. me dreams are alway weird. like that one wit the indians also had me friends, an persons from glee. ya, me know, weird!

today me stomach has hurt lot, feel like some one yank on me stomach. me has be real shake all day. lite headed, an eve time me take deep breath me left side throbs wit a sharp pain. me is still no able breath well, but hey, who cares. lol

me has date on friday. an saturday afternoon. make me happy that me get to in way be at wedding!

me fin got to chat wit me pig for a bit. me was real happy bout that. her crack me up.
then me found this stat an me had to give in to bambam's thing bout me be awesome, an admit it, but it was on once, so, her is win!

me last few post have either be very down or toned in anger. me is no go say sorry, cuz it is how me is feel.

me think morrow me is go see if me can get some crayons or coloring book, me is go want try. maybe you color wit me? :)

me adventure just keep get more interest. the journey bit hard er eve day but, it is life, an no one say it would be any where near easy.

aufgebracht

thunder. it is the noise that let us kno a storm is come. it shake house, car, even trees, an persons. some fear it, some love it, some it can go both way.

there is no window in me room. but me kno it has be storm, cuz me can hear the thunder.

today has be quite the day. me spent lot of day sleep. after stay up til 2 watch Amityville Horror, which scare the fudge out me. then me watch spiderman an him mazing friends. me spent most me nite up chat wit ash, an then wit piglet for bit. both fell sleep on me. watch storm chasers, an it was intense episode. then watch this thing an it was cool just real strange.
the nurse had come in an put music on while me was sleep, guess her figure it would help me sleep. me woke up to hear this song by FF5, no alone, an since that song me has had, just tell me me is no alone, stuck in me head. it rings so true for me. but...w.e.

when me did wake up it was like 2pm, me had be up before that but on for bits at time. me tv was on an me could bare hear it. on me table was note that say, want you be part of this so gave you week an now it is time to get involve. it was from the agents. so me spent me afternoon listen an watch them interview one person an then me stomach bout fell to floor. them brot in david. so from 3:30 to 6, me listen to him say lie after lie after lie.

me spent most day yesterday wait for piglet to get on facebook or to text me. me did get text but it was from ash, an me got confuse on who was who. it suck. ash an me had good chat tho. piglet got on for bit after. an now me has be wait for time me has be up to hear from piglet...............

so this god thing....
here is me thot on it so far. for one, me hate when persons say, god exists whether you think so or no. um, do no say that too me, me will serious punch you in face, same wit some one who say, god do no exist an that is some you need to kno. SHUT UP! no joke.
now, that that is out there... me think that there is a god of some sort. whether him is god of bible - an hey that is wht me use believe, right?! that was me, then me forgot, an now me has to find out for me self. but me do like that this line bring peace, love, an friendliness. me also like the stories, an the act of pray. it is no a bad thing to spend time believe in some an be good an all, in the end whether wrong or right, least you live good life. -
the thing of there is no god. this can no be a belief. serious. if you no believe in god of bible, or believe that there is no such god, then you must think you you self is god. if you say there is no god, than you must on believe in you self an that make you a god, so there in you are you own god.
whichever, there is a god. me would like to hear why some persons believe in god of the bible an why some do no believe in a god.
just member it is me choice. keep batter me an me could possible make a choice no one will like. no joke.
this is no go be a over nite thing either. an hey if me die, well, me no have worry if me is go heaven or hell, right, cuz me has alread gave me heart to god, right?.
if you say this whole thing is stupid, well, guess what, me is a freak n dumbass, so yes it may be a stupid thing, but me is go do it. no like, then eff off! <--- :O , yes me did just say that!

so this whole, tell me that me is no alone, thing...
me has had ruff day. me chat wit shortie an her is like, is some thing up?, ...you seem like you do no care. - that has be right. me is where me no care. me no care if me live. me no want wake up cuz ever min me is wake me wish me was back sleep, or dead. no joke. me friends, them is like you is no lone. bs. me is very lone. in a room wit no windows. an me has computer an me has phone but how much interaction do me get wit persons on those, hard none.an then me have spend this whole week watch that stupid tv, listen to lies an details an all for what? pure torture? an me has try turn tv off, or mute it an them has it fix to where me get control bck after certain time. which sucks! an me has 3 dif trials me has to worry bout.

me is angry an hurt. an what sucks is me has deal wit it all on me own. cuz that is how it alway is. lost an so afraid where is the hope/love in a world so cold?! feel the love, what love, serious, me feel cold an mad, hurt an scare, an love is where?! no joke.

this adventure sucks. it feels like a jounrney to no where.

Thursday

me thot me was go sleep for bit an then say wit ash. me no sleep at all. so me watch news think it put me out fo sho. then come to find out it pull me in an me could no stop watch it. Topeka has done way wit law of domestic violence, so now it is ok to beat one nother up. :/ an in washington them is think bout do way wit p&p, so 100's of criminals be walk round have no one keep tabs on them. got to admit, me is lil freak out bout both these issues. an on top that multi vitamins no help but hurt u, so me is go start fuse to take me multi vitamin.

one the nurse that real like me took me to hallway window so me could see the clouds. them was PRETTY! me loves the clouds, storm clouds. big puffy an purple blue.

me did get say wit ash yester nite. just for bit tho. me want her to have time wit stephen. :)

me kind got pinch by some of what lot persons say all day. it no big deal cuz me kno it true, but it jus some me is um sensitive? bout. me spell! it is bad. an me is work on it. me is real try hard. an me say to ash when me say wit her, me no see words way them is see by eve one else. here is few words to help u get what me say (nurse did help me wit this)

me to me is i.    persons is group. people is one.    get mean um sense or um understand.   say mean talk, tell, told, said.    spell mean um write.  no is not.

this is how me brain see stuff. but u can help an um make right when me no say right. it will frustrate me cuz me brain no see that way but me has to learn. an me think some me friends or persons get frustrate wit it. an that make me even more frustrate. *nods* an if any thing me is pinch by me spell cuz me is have hard time wit it. but this me will get better at to.

day me head hurt lot. me feel some one hit me wit hammer. an me chest is hurt. me think me wisdom teeth are fin come in. me right side of me mouth is hurt lot. me teeth are real sharp too. me could cut me tongue in pieces. lol. me is no go to, me is jus say me could. lol. now me can no lift me head at all. nurse prop me up an put pillow hind me head an computer in me lap an hands on it.

few persons keep ask me if me can have visitors, it sad. me want visitors but them have keep me safe. them no kno just how um dangerous? me friends are to gether. hahaha. them will keep me safe. ;) . sad tho me can no see no them faces til the other guy is put behind bars. :/. but in way u can come visit. hahaha. me has find it but me do have skype. me just can no video call or voice call but u can. it no same cuz u can no see me or hear me, no that there is some to hear, an trust me u no want see me face, it no look like me. lol. or if u no time to skype or IM u can make video :). lol, jk. on if u want to. or u can send card or letter or some. kara send me pic of her an me :) wit her card. manda send me chuggers wit her card. it just idea for those who are like me an frustrate that me can no have visitors yet.

mama canady call me mazing young lady. me gree wit most it. haha. me is some what mazing. me is young, an me keep forget me is 22 an no 16, lol. no joke. me kno no why but me just find it weird when persons call me girl or babe or sweets, lady, or even woman. me is use to certain persons call me certain things. so when me here it from some one else, it is weird.
lindsey - girlie   bambam - honey  becks - sweetie  lynn - girl   jess - babe . haha.

me dad say me is very picky, an him is right. lol. but that is main wit food an foot ware.

me say wit jasi for bit. her had good nite an me was glad. her was happy an when her is happy me is happy.

me got a bad message from a friend over some stuff me family start. them was pretend to be me an sent me friend message thro one me emails. them hacked me. them jerks! them has do other stuff too. so now me friend is mad wit me an no say to me, an me guess me no blame them.  it just suck.

me has spend most me day sleep. me has had real weird dreams. them bit scare but it ok. me is real tire. me is wear oxygen mask now. it no longer the nose thing, but the mask. me feel like me can no breath at all. me is no feel well at all. motions get me down an sick kick back up. but me is go try to keep smile on me face.

this day is no over. me adventure is no over. me still has lot of beast to slay, new land to um conquer?, enemies to defeat, an allies to meet. me adventure has just begun, an there is still more to come!

love is a beautiful thing

 me keep have these random things pop into me head. so me look them up an them is song lyrics. so me think me is start member songs. haha. me think this is a yay.


 the doc say that me has had meninjitis for 3 weeks now. the pneumonia has covered it up. spinal taps are no fun. me has had one eve week but them is still no fun. no no. hurt lots. me is so tire but them on let me sleep few hours at time. them think cuz of "how bad off u are" that me will go into coma. me has no complain bout that. least me could sleep. it make more since now that me is have trouble get up when me do sleep. an all the other stuff make since too. me just think them should have find it sooner than did. me temp is still 104.8. least it no change.

bambam say her want to learn to love like me do. me just has big heart. me have no room for hate. me has had nuff hate from world so full of hate that me can no imagine show no thing but love. it like me smile idea. smile alway even if u no feel like it, u no ever kno day someone else be have an u smile may just save them life. all round u should smile an be love at all time. me on no smile when me is have real real real end of world bad day. even me worse days me smile an haha bout problems. that is when me is in me right mind.

more me say wit most me friends more me realize me is no smart, or even close. them know so much, an me kno them is old, yes me say it deal wit it :P, an them have had more life to learn stuff, but man what have me be do wit me life? me kno junk no thing. it ok tho. me pic them brains all time, or least me try. may be me pic smart friends to make me look no so dumb.

me kno stuff. like u can live wit out inner part of u brain the center, it has be proven, there is a kid who was born normal wit out the center part of him brain. eve 10 years u get a new skeleton. me kno that me is related to Jonathan Frakes, commander Ryker, from Star Trek TNG. all u trek fans be jealous, lol. no real do no. me has no ever met him an me is no sure how us relate.

me has had a sad week it seem. me is be struggle wit lot stuff. me no member god or jesus or bible or pray, an it frustrate when persons say stuff bout things me no member. if u is go say some thing then make sure put in way me can get. if me still can no get me will ask til me do. gree? an if me ask some please no ignore it. if me ask me real want kno.

me had say to me friends me is no go get to go to them wedding. me feel bad. me real want to. me is no sure me is go get to go to ash an stephen wedding. me is no sure if me be out of hospital by then, me real hope me will be, an if me is me no think me can drive for few weeks. so me has problem. lol. shortie ask if me can make card for them. if me do me do no want it be all scribbles. mean it look like stuff to me but it no look like no thing but scribbles to eve one else.

it frustrate me me can no spell, me try spell love an me no could. it was jus scribbles. frustrate me me can no walk or stand or step. me work so hard an me is back at square one. me have type wit me point finger cuz me no member how type.
me is mad. me no like have start all over gain. me no like be in this room wit no window, wit no company, me no like be hooked up to all these things. me no like be sick. me no like that me whole life me is go be held back by the fact me brain no work right. me is mad that me dream is some me will no ever get to accomplish. me no like that now the on company , if me even do, is the chats on facebook, or messages.
me is mad me can no eve look out the window. it be nice to have piece of outside in here. stead of the white walls, me bet me could say you where all cracks are in this room.

me is be selfish an complain. me should be happy that me is no in worse place. me do have computer an internet. an me friends sort live in it. me has good friends. me has hosppital go to. me watch lot of news an me is very thank for what me has.
me is just mad an me got let it out.

me watch tron yester nite, it was sad but good. me would love have more movie nite wit friends, or even just chat. me welcome company. me has yahoo messenger an aim.
me got me phone yester too. but sim card no work. me is make me agents do all the work. them no like talk phone company but me no can. haha. it is funny.
me went bed watch wizards of waverly place. me love that show. it funny.

me is pose to have bambam card by now but agents say that it has no show up at dress. so me is no get card an that ok. haha. me is very thank for bambam. her is good friend. her say her want be like me when her grow up, her is real big kid me guess. truth be say, me want be like her. her is kind, patient, love, sweet, care, pretty inside an out, her heart so big me is sure me have be travel for days in it. me no think her know how much her impact? world.

this is me blog for now. yester post had most views. an that post was one of me worse post.
me hope you is ok an do well. say me u day or how u do, it be nice to hear from u. me love.

think

me last post was very short an no full much.

last thing me want is be left lone. me is tire of be lone. me no want do nothing. me no want look out window me no want try walk, me no want read story, me no care to do any that. me no even care to get better.
me no like feel this way at all.

me on got 3 hour sleep. me try nap. eve time me close eyes me see no thing but bad. me is real tire tho.

this post call thinks cuz it full of thing me think bout.

walk. me is like that me can walk some. me has work real hard at walk. it just hard to get use to cane. me like me cane but it just hard walk wit. me no know bout run any time soon but me hope me get take walk in park. me would like take bubbles for walk, but me prob need friend to help. me would like just take walk wit friends.

outside. me do like be outside. me like walk barefoot. me like  have window open in me room an sleep like that. me like sit outside wit dogs an take in nice day. me like take blanket an lay on it in yard wit dogs or friends. me also love listen rain an thunder. me love snow fall.

moms. me love parents. me love meet other persons parents. me think parents are cool. me love to learn from them. me love to see how dads do thing, and learn from them. me mom has be gone for 4 years this month. 25 at 948pm. me member it, it was thursday. me miss me mom. last thing us did was fight an last thing her say me was out anger, me hate you, that what her say. me has no real eve have real mom. me mom was in drugs an alcohol an do stuff wit lots guys. her left when me was 6-7. us no see her for years. then her come round an us no like visit wit her. her would alway pic guy over us. me alway say me is no go be like no either me parents. no no. me love moms. me is very happy to meet momma canady.

work. me has job. it good. easy. an me make sort good money. me is hope by time me move me no need to have cane so much an me will be able speak lot more than not. me think me would like security job for now. me no care if me has work nite shift. ok me do some but it be nice to work nite shift few time week. me think. me know there airport an there is bowin factory. so me is go look into stuff.

strings. me is no like leave me granma. her no know no thing bout what be go on. her just think me is real busy or out town. me dad say that when me move he say to her that me is go off to college. me feel me is go move an then me is no eve go see her gain. an me no like that feel at all. me has decide that me is go spend me first year in wa that mean holidays too. it no go be easy but me will do. then the next year me will go be wit me fam. me animals. me no like leave bubbles here but me is get to be ok wit it. me think me dad an me both have web cam an us have phone so me can say hi eve once in while. me is go miss have stardust lay on me purr purr purr eve nite but him be ok. me car. me has no decide if me is go take me car up there or buy nother car that will make it up there. me think me is go leave lot me no so portant stuff here, til me has place for it.

god. me say to me friend me no know if god is me god. lot of me friends say me trust god, god will take care ever thing, pray to god an say him. me feel like it way for them to blow me off. them no get that me real no know god. me may have but me no do now. them think if them say them things then it make me feel better an it no do. me do pray all time but it no seem help. may be god no like me, may be him loss hope for me. me has read me facebook an twitter an other stuff an me use to believe in god but fact be me no do now. me is work on know god an me is no sure if me believe in him or no. if god be an easy pass an a way for friends say ok me help you now you all better than me is no sure bout god.

sleep. me no has sleep well. yester nite me had dream where me mom was go kill her an me was try stop her. me ran to hospital roof an was hear voicemail her left on me phone. her was say sorry there no thing you can do me love you. an as me jump to save her her jump to end her. it was very sad. me has had bad dream most me life it seem.

home. me is hope go get go home wed. me know me fam has be jerks, them alway are. me just wish them would be um supportive for once. me know this no happen but it be nice if it do, this is how big an dumb some me hopes are. me would like to get home an them be banner say welcome home an flowers an balloons and it be like nice lil party. but me on dream. so me think when me get home me is just go go see movie after me is home for hour or to.

me know me blog yester was short an me seem like jerk, so me spell this an me still sound like jerk bit but me no care. it me job title - jerk, an sound like a jerk is under job duties. so deal wit it. :P

bore out me mind

yester nite an early am was real hard for me. took lot out me. as hard as me friends try me mood no change at all.

me no get sleep til 7am an then me be up at 10 an no go back sleep. me had horrible dreams.

me has spend day clean out me email an watch big bad bettleborgs. me sided leave friends lone. let them be. them need time to love life wit out me for bit.

me no read story day an me on got out bed to use bathroom. me no eve look out window, me no care to. me has stay in bed.

it has no be good day. me mouth is real hurt me, me head is o most no hurt. me has no sleep well last few nites. like me ever sleep well.

morrow me may do same thing as day.

yes me can

yester nite was good. no good me head was kill me. it was good cuz me friends make it good. me was get frustrate wit persons who say them me friend but yet treat me like me is worthless crap. an it was real bug me. me feel like me was let lot get to me since me was real tire an drug up an no to say the pain too. bambam was like say to me. at first me just feel like me be hassel. me was upset wit way some me friends treat me an me just feel me was go say some wrong an come off wrong to bambam an make her mad. then me think, me has no ever make her mad or o least that what her say to me. so me say her some what in me heart. an us talk. me like when us talk. make me feel better an me know it real did yester nite.

me is use to be good friend an no have good or great friends. me is real glad god give me great friends. bambam say to me that may be god show me who me good friends are an who me bad friends are. me no friends wit just anyone on facebook. me is careful bout me friends on facebook. me even make it hard to find me. me no give me location on facebook either. good number persons no know where me live or what town me is in. it kind funny.

me has be watch big bad beetleborgs. me use watch as child but it see lot better. it still pretty good.

me had hard nite sleep. me wake up lot. me head hurt lot lot lot. it on cuz it real sensitive. me no can shower gain for 7 days. boo.

me had nuff in me bank count to get me a nice hat an a cane. them should be here soon. me still has get new phone an look at get new laptop. me also think me need beanie. me hair short, an it get cold out so me head get cold.

yester me was happy hear from Jerusha, Tiffany, Jasmine, Rachel, Nikki, Tina, Michael, Ashley an Stephen, an Kim. it made me glad. make me smile when Kim an me got say for bit. me is so happy to get meet her. an what real make me happy was bambam say me that her an me big sis becks friends on facebook! now me two big sis' friends an it awesome. me an bambam gree us need visit her.

so now me have two mazing thing look forward to in me future. move to washington an visiting me big sis. but one the most happy things will be to give real hug to bambam an her parents instead of a scribble picture hug.

me end up sleep good long time. me wake up an me head still hurt me lots an lots. it smell real real real yum in me room. nurse put what she say a candle warmer an candle in me room. it smell mazing!

me sis becks post video on me wall. it was lot to get in me brain so me no got lot. me just know it was sad.
me sis bambam spell on me wall that her watch sun rise. her say it very pretty. me is very glad her got to do that. she say me is much more mazing than sun rise but me no know them are pretty mazing, me think. lol

me no like to take joy in me. me know me has thing that make me awesome at times but me no like to brag bout or stuff. me think there so many in world who no know that them is mazing or love an them need it no me. me like say to persons how awesome an special them are.

me has pt in bit. me go eat first. me think them go start me try steps. me is very scare cuz me has no had stand an go down or up in step. me has learn an get tho. me think piglet live on top story an her prob has lot of step. me has to get up them all if me go stay wit her. :)

me has ask - how you end a pray? me no member an me no think no one say me how. what is church? what is minister?

me put ? by words cuz me no sure if me um say word right or if it right word to say or all that fun stuff.

me is yum so me go eat now then pt. when me say go me mean me be in bed but me go eat cuz me is yum. me would share wit you but it be no good by time it get there. lol.

me go pt. me did very good. me even spell one word on paper. guess what word was? no, you no right, are you? me spell LOVE. me took more steps today. them say them take me outside morrow!!! yes yes. them surprise me wit me can. it rived. it pretty blue. an it easy use. me like it. me did better in memory too. an me got one step up step an one down step. it was good pt. now me go try make to window later. me no think me will cuz me is tire but me is go try. yep.

me dad think it weird me have cane an him keep send me jokes bout it. me say him me go wack him wit me cane. me do no think him believe me. me no lie. me will wack him. no me prob no wack him. haha. it sound nice tho. but me no like be mean. me no like hurt persons. no no. me like be very nice. me show you.
one easter me family an me were at bartlett park for egg hunt. hunt had finish an me had do good. me was walk round an there was kid cry. me was on 7-8. me ask why him cry. him say him no get no thing. so me open me bag an me gave him all that was in it. him mom came over an watch whole time say to me you no have do that. me say me no real need any this. me uncle an cousin come over an ask what happen all me stuff. me say to them what me did an me uncle made me cousin give me some his stuff. me do stuff like that all time.

me is no go worry bout me computer for now. it ok. me no worry bout me car. since me no use it most time or hard any time me let me aunt worry bout it instead. me phone. me get pay check even tho me be in hospital so me should be able get phone if me phone now no work. it just suck. me pics an stuff on it. boo.

me go read bible story. me read story of the message. here me asks -
    if joseph good then why in jail?
    how did joseph care for other persons in jail?
    why would butler forget joseph when joseph help him?
    why would corn eat corn an cow eat cow? it me no get.
    how did king know that joseph was wise?
me read story of a surprise visit. here me asks -
    why had no food grow for 7 years?
    why did joseph no say to them that he was their brother?
    why were his brothers afraid of him?

me watch wizards waverly place. max got turn to girl an there was no way turn him back. him parents enter him into girl contest an him won. it was funny. me love this show. batman cartoon on an me love this. me use watch ever sunday at 5.

me has be feel pain in nother part of me body. it is no good. me no like it. me lip is feel bit better. me is read for it no hurt. it hard to eat. an me lip alway go dry. me head is still hurt much. it hurt as much as it did yester nite. but me is no a big baby bout it today.  me cut me finger open day. me no mean to. haha. it was hurt lot now me no even know it hurt.

me is get yum. me go eat.

me made to window!!!!! me get put blinds up an look out. it is pretty. me see trees an grass. them trees are pretty colors. sky is pretty colors. it pretty outside! yep. today be great awesome day! an me nite is go be peace an nice too!

pictures

yester nite me was down an sad for bit. it is hard be here an the on face you see is those of nurses, docs, therapists, an few times other patients an/or them visitors. me miss me friends, them have be real help an love an nice an before any this me was no good friend at all. me no member much but me do member that fact. an yester nite me keep ask me why them be good friend to me when me has been no real friend to them? this some me ask all time to me. me do know to me miss them.
me miss me family. the yell the fight the jokes an just be wit them. me miss me animals stardust bubbles gumby even elvis, him is no me but him think him is. me miss me no so comfy bed an me dresser me still have from when me 3. me miss lot stuff.

yester nite me got real mad an upset. me was scare. me no want be sick no more, me no want to no no talk, me want to walk normal. me want to feel better and be better person. me think cuz me was real tire that it add to them feel.

me stay up an watch roseanne and wizards of waverly place. make me go haha real hard. me love to go haha. me is kid even tho me adult. me love cartoons and kid movies. them shows make me feel better. happy. me was up to 230. me went sleep.

me had dream bout airplane an persons from me high school day were on plane. me be on plane once but no member. me was on plan sit next window. me was scare cuz me no like high. persons me knew were be mean an make me feel no want. plane took off an me was no scare. me look out window an it was nice. me no member lot of the dream but me woke up mad an sad.
before me fell sleep me was think bout go on plane  an visit bambam. me no think her like that, but me was think bout it. me dream mind me that me is let me past keep me from me future. no more tho. no more. me go kick me past right where mother nature split it. yep, me said it! deal wit it!

me woke up. me was tire sad mad. an then me had post on me wall an  it make me feel all better. me love get posts when me wake up, it make me day start good.

me went pt. me walk wit help of hold some, from me chair on wheels to the tape on floor where one the helps was at. me got first goal done. then me stand wit no help for a hole min on own. to goal done. me 3 goal is to hum or say word. me has 4 goal an that is to spell one word on paper right an in lines. me on have do 3 to get go outside!!!
them took me back to me room an me eat. yum. me can eat on own now. me no need no tube, yay. the tube hurt lot. me therapist walk in an sat an eat wit me. him say me slow down or you choke on you food. me was want food. me lift me head up wit me face full food an just stare at him then me smile an me think him was bit weird out by me. lol. it was funny!
me finish eat and me tummy went yum. it was happy. us play memory an me got 3 matches! 4 cuz bambam say that me love her and her love me and that make match, :) !

me read 3 story all bout isaac. me no get them. me is get frustrate an me think me just go stop read bible story. it real hard. an me friends no alway round to help me get story. maybe if me can watch story or have some one read to me an answer me asks in person that help.

me eat dinner. it was yum. than me try make to window gain. 2 STEP AWAY!! an the blinds were down. :( . nurse say when me get there me can open blinds so it surprise. me want know if world pretty outside. me want know if it sunny an colorful. me love colorful. me just no like olive green. no no.

me watch glee. it was good. end was kind rush but hole show good. me love kurt voice him is me fav character. in real life him me age, him is real gay, an him voice is just as pretty.

just bit go me got real sad in me heart, deep sad for me friend. so me go pray for her lot nite.

me alway pray for me friend at nite sort like me do on facebook day. it help me fall sleep. an when me learn what pray is me has be do it lot. me love me friends. them nice. me like talk wit them.

morrow docs go fix me scars to look like one on me hand an face or close to them. it is a surgery but short one. it start at 230.
an me have pic so if some one say me lie me just show them pic. me hate when me told me lie. me no like lie so me no lie or if me do me no mean to. me love truth.

me got card today from kara an her send pic of we in it. me start cry. it was real nice. her one me fav friends. her alway happy an go haha. me love her! me is still wait for bambam's card, me think her cards no like me. maybe her should send to me home as me has got everything that be mail to me home. me have 3 cards an one video and chuggers. it real nice an me love them.

me is real tire. me has cry lot today. tho it has be good day. me is no cold but hot today. an me head itch lot. whole lot.

me name this post pictures. me got picture today. me picture what it be like outside window. me picture what me future go be like. me picture walk to window and back. me picture stand for more than min. me picture see me friends. me picture visit bambam. me picture move. me has lot of pictures in me head and me is just wait to watch them um, develope? in from me eyes an come to life.

pray dream or head dream

me have weird dreams an me go talk you bout it.

this me have sunday nite. 
               all me friends were there. all me friends from, me think college. Sara Mcguire, Nikki Canady, Patty Harness, Valerie Frankie, Becky an James Cross, Amanda Cairney, Ashley and Paul Cockram, and so many more. there were hundreds. us were meet at building that have big hill. me got there an all read on hill waiting. me was suppose be in hospital but them let me out for one day to see all me friends. me was walk down side walk to go be wit friends an me got to curb. me try step down but me fell an hit head. boo. me lay there for few bit and held me head. then me get up. me try walk cross street but me lost balance an had grab hold blue van to help me. real old lady came an give me blue cane. me had at start of dream but me must drop it. her talk me get in van. me did and then me talk me friends over there us got talk them where to go. me an me cane got out an start walk over there. me got there. me spend bit wit friends. then in flash us all at me granma's house on her front lon. me went in an say wit her bit. than me go outside wit friends. all friends start go house to home wit red bags. me think them get stuff from persons. there was tent in my granmas lon an um me can hear noises come out it. that all me talk bout that, lol. me was up walk wit friends then me get back to lon and fall back and take nap. me felt hands on me an me hear persons pray. then some in me hurt an me open eyes. me friends were all round me. few bit later an them all get up an walk up the street out of see. me wait bit then me talk persons in tent all them left and me follow. me found me in a building and this guy was try help me get out. him go look for map to help me find st. jo. him say me in texas. him help me get out door and me walk onto parking lot wit lots an lots of persons. me ran try to find me friends. me ask an no one can help. me make up hill an then me fall in water. boy came carry me out. him took giant snowman head wit 3 tube an put one in me mouth. him blow in it an me start breath. then me woke up.

this me have saturday nite

              me was at a home. me friend call me talk them found some and them be dig from 9:30pm til 7am an no be home that nite. me question if need help an them talk on if me want dig. me talk yes. them talk some be over get me. next thing me go down big street toward dark stormy cloud. me sister rachael were walk too an stardust were follow we. some guys get in way me talk her took stardust an go home. in road dark cloud was spin an most on road. me got past guys an walk to me dads house. stardust ran off an me had go next door an get him. family got in fight so me call me friend an them talk me to never call gain that all world hate me and the storm were go took me out all lives. then me wake up. no zombies. it just make me feel that me no real wanted any where. an remind me that me stick in dark

me have this one days go.

                         me keep go from hospital to hospital an before me go to next hospital me was out wit friends on roof lay on carry board. me go to next hospital. me was in room an me was wake up slowly me saw someone make card an it tape to window by door. there was 3 strips red paper also tape there next to it. me look over an there me friend Valerie sit next me bed. her get up to walk some but me know her bin there hole time. me woke up. - dream make me feel comfortable. me was sad me had no friends there wit me but me no wait see them. :)

me  have this dream days before that dream.

               me was out in parking lot an me big sis becks show up in lil dark blu jeep. her talk me get in so me do. her ask me how me am an us say. - no much happen in dream but me sleep good an me feel safe wit me sis. it was nice dream.

me think that some dreams me have cuz persons pray. me think some dream are cuz me head no sleep when me do. it be bad. lol. 

Week 4 Day 1

me sleep sort bad. me lip an teeth an head hurt all nite. keep move in bed try to get comfy. them give me few more pillow an them help sleep bit betterer.

from me bed all me can see when look out window is brick. me know sun out there but me no see no else. me go make to window this week me just know. me keep think what out there, is pretty, will me like. if pretty me just want stare out window. me hope me can stand long nuff to stare. me friend julia post link on me wall. it was good video. me love watch seal swim round an then make sound. it was funny. me real like it!

me got say wit me big sis becks for bit. me love her lots. her cool person. her love butterflies. me find butterfly cane that them butterflies glow on, but it too much for me think bout. her alway talk that butterfly are god's promises an blessings. me no sure what her mean but when me see butterfly me think her.

me have pt today. it go good me took 7 steps. no as much as yester but it still good, me think. me got one match at memory. me still no hum tho. sad. me say them bout video bambam make an cards me got and chuggers, an how me say me friends on facebook an text an how me real like it. them talk that it real good and that it seem to be help me get better. them ask me if me think me friends will make more video or send more card or animal, me talk me no know but if no it ok cuz me love them an them say wit me an that good nuff for me. doc no like computer thing at first but now him talk it help me an it good for me. now him like.

me have 6 scars on me head. them ugly. 3 on top, 2 on side an 1 in back. me hair is grow fast. doc say in month two me have look hard see them. :)

me has had time where me wake up an no can move legs, or me forgot stuff that just happen. doc talk this will happen for long time. some days me no walk good or no speak, some days me memory be real bad some days real good. him talk me take cane wit me just be safe. like bambam talk better safe than sorry.

it be long day. it was long weekend. me real loved movie nite wit bambam on friday night. me want to make her feel better an have better day but in end me no think it help. her pick movie, us no think us finish it cuz it were sad but then it have happy end. it good movie. the mom's eyes minded me of bambams.  me no know how me know what her eye color is but me was shock me was right.

me found me have music on me computer. it all good. there music from glee on too. one song me love love love is 3 lil words by press play. raise you voice an talk me love you. lol.

today me no too happy wit self. me no do as good as yester. me try me best. it no make feel good tho. me want to go um forward no back. kind bum bout it.

 me feel bad too. me family lie to me granma bout me. but it for her good. her very old and Chris just die few week before all this happen. me love me granma. yes!

  them took pic of me head an me see it. me no have bald spot at all. me hair is grow normal. me have so many scar on head face arm hand leg. it lot. me no have um tatoo or  um pearcing. no even ears. lol. now me have scar on me lip too. boo. hahaha.

  me dad talk me today. him talk me sister in trouble wit cops, sort no surprise. him is sick. boo. him also mind me of the 25th next month be 4 years. this sad.

me is bother by fact that me no member god stuff or college or stuff like that, but me member dates, an other non special stuff. it frustrate me. me no get mad, me no get angry, me alway forgive or me think that when you take some one sorry. me no hate no one. me no drink smoke or do drug. me think you should alway smile even if no feel like it, cuz it might save some one life. me think you need alway help even if think you no can. me think this stuff but me no know why me think this thing. what bother me most is me will member stuff in sleep but it be gone when me wake up. may be it best if there some thing me no member.

me read to story today. one bout um abraham an lot an how them no share so them move from one nother. the other story was when sarah an abraham was say them go have baby an sarah go haha in no believe. me on had to asks. :)

me had miss breakfast an lunch and for dinner me had biscutes and stew. yum yum. me want ice cream but me no feel me should have some since today me fail. sad.

me phone look like have be replace. sad. me no have money for new one. boo. an all me pics an all me friends in me phone. :( . sigh.

since me phone broke me has feel lone. me have computer yes but me friends no have it wit them all time. me miss me friends.  a lot an lot, even more than lot, much. it no good for baf be lone, no no. baf no like.

me take 12 steps, 4 way from make window. so frustrate. me no can go outside til me reach goals in pt. me hope that soon cuz me start think me no ever go make outside or to window.  :(

me go watch tv, or work on get to window. or may be me just lay here an think bout things. may be me go to bed soon. me is tire.

me hope you day has be good an that you is good. me pray for you yester nite. me pray for world.

4 Weeks An Counting

me no spell good so you have deal wit it! :)


me be here 4 weeks. me know no what happen or why me here other than me brain got real sick. me got real sick too. me hope tho that me on be here one more week.


Yester day me got took real shower. me got unstink. me smell real bad before me shower. me was scare me head look all ugly an like crack up egg. but it no look bad. me look like peach with marks on it. doc talk them fix up scars so them no that noticable. this make me smile. me no want scare children or me when me pass mirror? or windows. lol. me do has some hair. it no long, but me like feel it, it all smooth an nice. me no suppose rub it but me think it feel weird, sort in bad way, when me head is touch an you no can real feel dents. me forgot what them talk them did but some new thing. at least it no metal. lol. think try get thro airport or courthouse, lol.


me have be work to look out window. me want to see what out there an me hope it pretty. me member bambam talk me once her want send flowers. me look round me room and flowers be pretty in here. me start off an me could on stand 30secs me still no able stand well or balance well. me use monitor iv thing hold on to and try walk. me got 2 step then 3 steps and now 8 STEPS!!! that LOT for me. me o most make to window. me can see top trees an then me had grab chair on wheels an sit. sigh, me make to window soon.

me phone mess up. it turn on an go service day screen and then restart gain. me no money get replace, so me hope phone company replace it or fix it. net10 sucks. yep. me on have phone 3 months.

me thought me were go lose job but me found out me get more hours. so me go work 15 hours week.

also me look at canes an cute hats. me found few me like. blue cane that folds, me no know if me like that it fold or not but it got cushion handle. an hat blue plad, an other white wit black strips. me no know how me go get them but me know if there will there way, or me think that what them talk.

me be learn bout god, bible, jesus, pray, christian, an all stuff. me like it. me friends are very mazing an help me learn. them have talk lot over an over but that how me get it. me have child bible and adult bible, me read story every day out child bible. me like them pics. me no get story bout babel tower. me read story an put asks down an give to friends an me learn lot bout story from them. me learn lot bout hell. me no want no one go hell. make me heart hurt an me eyes cry. so me do lot pray so may be no many go hell.

me went to get adult bible and me fell an cut me up lip open. it no fun. it big an hurt. me feel like fish. lol.

yester me got box from mail. it have card an stuff animal in it. me love both. me name dog chuggers. him small but him cute an soft. me have got two cards an that all. that fine, me no think me get anything. me read them every day. me also got video on facebook an me watch that few times day. them make me happy and feel better. :D

me watch storm chasers an now me watch qvc christmas show. lol. me love christmas. me decide me want lil drummer boy figure for present. me fav song, me no member why. me play drums, maybe that why. me go bed soon.

me feel better me temp is 99.4 an be that way for few day me think. me alway have pain. me head hurt lot. me no sleep good so me alway tire. them took me off most medicine to see how me react an so far me do good!

tomorrow me have pt. may be me say them take me outside some time?!

me need try sleep now, me cold, so me get warm. lol.