my day has been alright. not good not bad but alright. i had a dream last night that i was on this stage in this i guess church, i had ran up there and stopped someone from praying and asked if i could pray instead. they let me and i started praying over a lot of things. it was crazy. i woke up and decided to read a chapter of a book by one of my fav authors. the same author that piglet was reading to me from. my stomach has been roaring most of the day. i ate 3 raw hot dogs, well cady helped with each of them. at like 6 this morning she was staring at me again when i opened my eyes, and then she started growling at me. ash let me play the wii with her after stephen decided he was done playing. came so close to getting thro the castle and completing it. it frustrated the crap out of me. i was going to rearrange my room today but it is just something that i cannot do. i decided that i was going to take a nap with cady, that did not happen, i was going to go out an join everyone else but they seemed to be having fun so i decided to watch never back down. i am writing this early, posting it early because tomorrow i have church in the am.
decisions to make was my status for mainly the whole day, well to be honest the last week or two. i have had a lot of things to think about and a lot of decisions to make, ones that still need to be made. some of these decisions, as i have read thro my blog, have been tormenting me for months, now that is sad.
one decision i have to make is about my blog. whether to keep it or not. i am getting tired of apologizing for what i feel and think. i am getting tired of being told that i am wrong, that i should be ashamed of the way i make others feel. i got an comment from someone last night that really gave me a mouthful, i deleted their comment and i was not sure who it was from, but still. so in turn i feel even worse for feeling or thinking the way i do.so if i stopped this blog i would start up another one that focused on one subject would only have my thoughts and feelings on that. it would no longer be my day, my struggles, my happy times, or anyone, it would be things like ice cream, the letter a, the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater...and so on.
another decision i have to make is where will i be in the next month, two, or three. one thing that never leaves the back of my mind is will i even be alive in the next month, two or three. do not worry, i am not thinking of killing myself, but you know at any moment we could die. i am not so worried about it. going back to my dads in st jo would be hard, but i am fine with it if it comes to it. april is going to be a hard month, depending on what happens. i am not sure if i can stand those few weeks being there but, i will manage. i have too.
pt has been a thing i have been struggling with too. i have to decide on whether i am going to forget the physical stuff, and just allow my body to be what ever, or if i am going to try to find ways to improve. i have been focusing a lot on my writing and coloring and colors.
i have to decide on if i am going to continue on this talking thing. my throat hurts so much from it, and it is so hard to do. there are some words i can just say, and some that i work hard on an just cannot seem to get. maybe i need to work on saying letters and the different ways to say them.
and there are so many more decisions and things that i deal with on a daily basis, but they are not important.
i want to say this directly to someone and they will know who they are....if i say we are good, we are good, do not go around trying to hash something up that does not exist, cuz then we are not good. got it?!
if i have a problem with someone i will tell them. that is one thing i used to be so good at it seemed when i started this blog, being straight forward. i must have got soft or something, or i must have grew a heart.
life right now is uncertain, as almost always is. somedays are good, some are bad, some are ugly, some are light some are dark. some days i hurt, some days i cry, everyday i laugh, everyday i smile. my kid mentality makes this world so big and full of adventures, and i try to treat each day as a new one just waiting to be taken.
decisions to make was my status for mainly the whole day, well to be honest the last week or two. i have had a lot of things to think about and a lot of decisions to make, ones that still need to be made. some of these decisions, as i have read thro my blog, have been tormenting me for months, now that is sad.
one decision i have to make is about my blog. whether to keep it or not. i am getting tired of apologizing for what i feel and think. i am getting tired of being told that i am wrong, that i should be ashamed of the way i make others feel. i got an comment from someone last night that really gave me a mouthful, i deleted their comment and i was not sure who it was from, but still. so in turn i feel even worse for feeling or thinking the way i do.so if i stopped this blog i would start up another one that focused on one subject would only have my thoughts and feelings on that. it would no longer be my day, my struggles, my happy times, or anyone, it would be things like ice cream, the letter a, the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater...and so on.
another decision i have to make is where will i be in the next month, two, or three. one thing that never leaves the back of my mind is will i even be alive in the next month, two or three. do not worry, i am not thinking of killing myself, but you know at any moment we could die. i am not so worried about it. going back to my dads in st jo would be hard, but i am fine with it if it comes to it. april is going to be a hard month, depending on what happens. i am not sure if i can stand those few weeks being there but, i will manage. i have too.
pt has been a thing i have been struggling with too. i have to decide on whether i am going to forget the physical stuff, and just allow my body to be what ever, or if i am going to try to find ways to improve. i have been focusing a lot on my writing and coloring and colors.
i have to decide on if i am going to continue on this talking thing. my throat hurts so much from it, and it is so hard to do. there are some words i can just say, and some that i work hard on an just cannot seem to get. maybe i need to work on saying letters and the different ways to say them.
and there are so many more decisions and things that i deal with on a daily basis, but they are not important.
i want to say this directly to someone and they will know who they are....if i say we are good, we are good, do not go around trying to hash something up that does not exist, cuz then we are not good. got it?!
if i have a problem with someone i will tell them. that is one thing i used to be so good at it seemed when i started this blog, being straight forward. i must have got soft or something, or i must have grew a heart.
life right now is uncertain, as almost always is. somedays are good, some are bad, some are ugly, some are light some are dark. some days i hurt, some days i cry, everyday i laugh, everyday i smile. my kid mentality makes this world so big and full of adventures, and i try to treat each day as a new one just waiting to be taken.
Here's the deal, BAF.
ReplyDeleteNOBODY has a right to tell you what you can and can't write on your blog, or what is right or wrong for you to write. Anyone who tries to tell you that you can't say something is someone you should tell to take a flying leap off a cliff...If they don't like it, THEY CAN STOP READING IT.
This is about you. Your journey. Your feelings. Not about anyone else. Never apologize for the way you feel; you are doing just fine.
It's the rest of the world that needs to grow the hell up.