it is offically here. i have been looking at all sort of radars and future outlooks, because i am a weather geek, and a lot of the coming next few weeks calls for snow and ice and coldness. and this kinda sucks, because the weather has been so nice and beautimus. st jo is being hit with snow right now and it is causing all sorts of problems. this storm stretches from middle of kansas to mid missouri. i have been watching it all night.
winter is here. which means snow, ice, sleet, ice, coldness, ice, and did i mention ice?! which also means.....i am glad i got out today and went places, because if it is going to be slick outside i will not be going many places. mainly because i do not want to slip and fall, and then end up in the hospital....again. and that would cause stress for my friends, and me, and it would be a mess...and cady would be sad because she would have no one to cuddle with at night....sadness! lol.
winter is here which means extreme cold is here which means pain will ravage thro my body and thro a lot of others bodys too.
o the joys of winter. one thing i am looking forward to, is maybe building a snowman. i have seen them on cartoons a movies and i want to build one. i think i have built one before but i do not remember. and maybe sledding?? i have never been sledding before. ok i am not sure of that, but i know i want to try it.
too bad winter was not here for christmas, it would have perfected things i think.
i am not going to complain. i love watching the snow fall. it has not really snowed, and i have not really seen much of it..but i bet at night it is really pretty. i would like to sit out on the porch one night for a bit, when the wind is not blowing like tonight, and just watch it snow for a bit.
today was a bit rough for me. i do not know why, but lately i have been more exhausted than usual..and i have not been sleeping well. i mean i sleep, but with my dreams, it is like i get no sleep at all. and this has made me cranky. which makes me a jerk. which makes everyone hate me. true story. no joke. in fact last night we had this conversation at santa fe. shortie, matt, and i did. and because i am tired and cranky and a jerk it means i let things get to me. so i spent most the morning beating myself up over a few things. i even facebooked my dad about something that was bugging the crap out of me...and it is official, i am a jerk!
i woke up this morning to ash walking around. my alarm had not gone off. i looked at my phone, it was not even on! i do not remember turning it off. i felt bad. i texted her and she basically told me to stay in bed. so i did. cady joined me but for some reason she was all wet so i made her get down. she spent most the morning on my floor.
i read my text messages and one was bambam had commented on my blog post from yesterday....saying my word for the day was nice. i did not realize that the word had nothing to do with the blog post. i just assumed that she was telling me i was being a jerk and needed to be nice....and then she corrected me and well i am still a jerk. it was funny.
stephen an ash have been painting the bathroom. it looks nice now that it is done. having a white door tho is something that i need to get used to. i do not think stephen likes the wood. i am sure he is trying to convince me to paint this room. lol. well i helped put a thing on the roller for the paint, and we were getting ready to go out and he was just standing there holding it, trying to figure out what to do. i took off my ring and walked over to him and grabbed hold of the roller thing, it was drenched in paint, and pulled it off. my hand was white. i had never been that white before, close to it, but not quite there. he was like now your hand is white...i was thinking the whole time, lord of the rings....which then would have made me a bad guy, again, a jerk. i helped him finish the door frame. ash got home and he went to take the tape off the door frame and it took the paint with it.
evening came, and i was not sure if they went to bed or not, so i was going to fix some spaghetti and then i realized that there were not enough noodles for 3 people..and then, i have no clue what i ate, but my stomach will tell me it is hungry one minute an the next, it will tell me it hates me. i think i need to start eating more chicken, or stuff with fats, for my brain. random yes, but it sorta fits here.
they came out of their room right after i finished washing most the dishes.....and i was kinda irritated with myself because i had set the silverware in the sink to wash it and forgot all about it. so i was going to wait a bit and wash it. it is still there, which means i can do it as i watch the snow fall. lol.
they started putting the door back on and stephen had the hardest time figuring it out. ah the stuff around here....there is hardly ever a dull moment.
jess got back from church and we went and got food. we stepped out the door and that wind is blowing. i checked st jo current stuff and it is 23 there but it feels like it is 5...and that is what is headed our way. that is almost a 20 degree difference and if it is that way in the morning you can bet there will be no school.
we got back and sat at the table....man that was some funny stuff.
there was a moment where my heart sunk. i showed ash what my brother had said and last week he had sent me a text saying something and in it he put mom. and then i sorta caught the look that ash and stephen gave one another and i felt even worse. i know i have explained it before. so i am doing it again. when my mom left us when i was 5-6 my aunt stepped in and we started calling her mom. i stopped doing that esp after my mom had died, but my sibs still do it. and it is an occasional thing that i do it too. it just made me feel bad and sad at the same time. i felt like crying. i felt horrible.
but i did not an am not. tho thinking about it i still feel horrible. it is something that you never get over. and if you have never lost a parent, than you will not understand. and if you had never had someone fill in as a parent then you will not understand for a second time.
i had a good long talk with jasi today. and i talked with nicki for a bit. they were both good. i needed a good long talk, well it was semi long. i think i pissed her off. boo on me....it is a part of my job duites as a jerk.
i worked on nice all day. even good. not aroudn people. for some reason sometimes when i try to say something it will only come ot as a whisper and it is hard to get voice into it. after a while i just started saying hi to cady over an over an over again. she was happy about it. tho she prob had no idea what i was saying. i have failed at every word bambam has given me. i am a failure. lol. but i do try. it is just hard to try around others.
i am off to bed. going to watch gohan kick some cell ass and then going to get under my warm covers. it is cold in here. i am sure there is a draft. and it is sad for me to say it is cold in here when most nights i leave my door open and my fan on 3 and i am still smuthering. and i do not mind, because i figure everyone else in the house has huge rooms so they do not get as warm as mine, so if it bugs me too much i can just go sleep on the couch. i think i am allowed to do taht. lol.
ok. bed. i have a ton of dishes to do in the am. and i made sure my alarm was set so i can get up and have breakfast or sit with ash. and i have laundry to do.
after a long hard struggle with myself today was contentful. and exhausting! i am hoping when i wake up there will be snow on the ground, i know peter will be happy about that!
winter is here. which means snow, ice, sleet, ice, coldness, ice, and did i mention ice?! which also means.....i am glad i got out today and went places, because if it is going to be slick outside i will not be going many places. mainly because i do not want to slip and fall, and then end up in the hospital....again. and that would cause stress for my friends, and me, and it would be a mess...and cady would be sad because she would have no one to cuddle with at night....sadness! lol.
winter is here which means extreme cold is here which means pain will ravage thro my body and thro a lot of others bodys too.
o the joys of winter. one thing i am looking forward to, is maybe building a snowman. i have seen them on cartoons a movies and i want to build one. i think i have built one before but i do not remember. and maybe sledding?? i have never been sledding before. ok i am not sure of that, but i know i want to try it.
too bad winter was not here for christmas, it would have perfected things i think.
i am not going to complain. i love watching the snow fall. it has not really snowed, and i have not really seen much of it..but i bet at night it is really pretty. i would like to sit out on the porch one night for a bit, when the wind is not blowing like tonight, and just watch it snow for a bit.
today was a bit rough for me. i do not know why, but lately i have been more exhausted than usual..and i have not been sleeping well. i mean i sleep, but with my dreams, it is like i get no sleep at all. and this has made me cranky. which makes me a jerk. which makes everyone hate me. true story. no joke. in fact last night we had this conversation at santa fe. shortie, matt, and i did. and because i am tired and cranky and a jerk it means i let things get to me. so i spent most the morning beating myself up over a few things. i even facebooked my dad about something that was bugging the crap out of me...and it is official, i am a jerk!
i woke up this morning to ash walking around. my alarm had not gone off. i looked at my phone, it was not even on! i do not remember turning it off. i felt bad. i texted her and she basically told me to stay in bed. so i did. cady joined me but for some reason she was all wet so i made her get down. she spent most the morning on my floor.
i read my text messages and one was bambam had commented on my blog post from yesterday....saying my word for the day was nice. i did not realize that the word had nothing to do with the blog post. i just assumed that she was telling me i was being a jerk and needed to be nice....and then she corrected me and well i am still a jerk. it was funny.
stephen an ash have been painting the bathroom. it looks nice now that it is done. having a white door tho is something that i need to get used to. i do not think stephen likes the wood. i am sure he is trying to convince me to paint this room. lol. well i helped put a thing on the roller for the paint, and we were getting ready to go out and he was just standing there holding it, trying to figure out what to do. i took off my ring and walked over to him and grabbed hold of the roller thing, it was drenched in paint, and pulled it off. my hand was white. i had never been that white before, close to it, but not quite there. he was like now your hand is white...i was thinking the whole time, lord of the rings....which then would have made me a bad guy, again, a jerk. i helped him finish the door frame. ash got home and he went to take the tape off the door frame and it took the paint with it.
evening came, and i was not sure if they went to bed or not, so i was going to fix some spaghetti and then i realized that there were not enough noodles for 3 people..and then, i have no clue what i ate, but my stomach will tell me it is hungry one minute an the next, it will tell me it hates me. i think i need to start eating more chicken, or stuff with fats, for my brain. random yes, but it sorta fits here.
they came out of their room right after i finished washing most the dishes.....and i was kinda irritated with myself because i had set the silverware in the sink to wash it and forgot all about it. so i was going to wait a bit and wash it. it is still there, which means i can do it as i watch the snow fall. lol.
they started putting the door back on and stephen had the hardest time figuring it out. ah the stuff around here....there is hardly ever a dull moment.
jess got back from church and we went and got food. we stepped out the door and that wind is blowing. i checked st jo current stuff and it is 23 there but it feels like it is 5...and that is what is headed our way. that is almost a 20 degree difference and if it is that way in the morning you can bet there will be no school.
we got back and sat at the table....man that was some funny stuff.
there was a moment where my heart sunk. i showed ash what my brother had said and last week he had sent me a text saying something and in it he put mom. and then i sorta caught the look that ash and stephen gave one another and i felt even worse. i know i have explained it before. so i am doing it again. when my mom left us when i was 5-6 my aunt stepped in and we started calling her mom. i stopped doing that esp after my mom had died, but my sibs still do it. and it is an occasional thing that i do it too. it just made me feel bad and sad at the same time. i felt like crying. i felt horrible.
but i did not an am not. tho thinking about it i still feel horrible. it is something that you never get over. and if you have never lost a parent, than you will not understand. and if you had never had someone fill in as a parent then you will not understand for a second time.
i had a good long talk with jasi today. and i talked with nicki for a bit. they were both good. i needed a good long talk, well it was semi long. i think i pissed her off. boo on me....it is a part of my job duites as a jerk.
i worked on nice all day. even good. not aroudn people. for some reason sometimes when i try to say something it will only come ot as a whisper and it is hard to get voice into it. after a while i just started saying hi to cady over an over an over again. she was happy about it. tho she prob had no idea what i was saying. i have failed at every word bambam has given me. i am a failure. lol. but i do try. it is just hard to try around others.
i am off to bed. going to watch gohan kick some cell ass and then going to get under my warm covers. it is cold in here. i am sure there is a draft. and it is sad for me to say it is cold in here when most nights i leave my door open and my fan on 3 and i am still smuthering. and i do not mind, because i figure everyone else in the house has huge rooms so they do not get as warm as mine, so if it bugs me too much i can just go sleep on the couch. i think i am allowed to do taht. lol.
ok. bed. i have a ton of dishes to do in the am. and i made sure my alarm was set so i can get up and have breakfast or sit with ash. and i have laundry to do.
after a long hard struggle with myself today was contentful. and exhausting! i am hoping when i wake up there will be snow on the ground, i know peter will be happy about that!
No comments:
Post a Comment