before today even began i was asleep, having very weird and dark dreams. lately my dreams have seemed so much like reality that it takes me most a day to tell whether they were real or not. it was a mangled mess last night, but let me tell you about it so you can see what i mean.
it was night time and i had just got done going through a store. the store was a dream itself bt not much i can remember. i got done and went out to the van full of girls. i hopped in the middle seat and we took off and started going down a street that is in my hometown. the driver was putting everyone in danger. there was screaming and everyone was freaking. i finally managed to put the e brake on and the car stopped. i hopped out to make sure everyone was alright and to take a breath of relief. the girl in the passengers seat in front made a comment to the lil girl i was holding saying look there is your mommys head. i glared at her and then looked at the lil girl i was holding and said do not listen to her your mommy is right here and as you can see i still have my head. i soon came to realize that most the girls in that van were mine. it went dark and next thing i know i am standing on the back porch with cady talking to someone. we went in an i went an sat on the loveseat. ash was getting ready to go somewhere and told jess to hand me something. jess said ok and then asked ash if she was going to give me a hug. ash said no you can give her a hug. jess said she is right there you can give her a hug. ash said no you can give her a hug she is not worth my time and as far as i am concerned she needs to be gone. jess laughed and looked back at me. i was in a bit of shock. it went dark again and i found myself looking down at my hand, there was blood all over it. i was confused. i know this is weird but my dream self thought there is no way i could have started my period yet. and then i looked around, there was blood all over the bath room. i was hurt. i walked out and someone hit me. i had not seen anyone else. i knew ash and stephen were in their room and who ever this was i did not want them getting to them. i felt something cold go into me and i looked down to see that i had been stabbed adn then it all made sense. i heard a loud noise and it sounded like it was in my dream but i woke up.
so i am going to skip ahead to this evening and then jump back to my day. it was so strange that i had had this dream esp after stephen told us about his dream. he dreamed he kept hearing noises in the house and that he was sure someone was in the house. then he heard someone being attacked and then two loud noises like gunshots. he said it seemed so real, that he had never had a dream like that.
maybe it is not strange. but i think it is since i am not on his meds. i wonder if we were both having the same dream just seeing different parts of it. if so, i will not lie, i am a bit freaked. i do not think i have ever heard of people having the same dream the same night outside of movies and shows. i hope that is all it is.
now back to the resst of this. i woke up and i decided that i was going to stay in bed. i was freaked and i was not sure if what i had dreamed was reality or not. i heard ash moving around, i had planned on getting up and eating with her. i was still trying to figure out if she had said that or not, and therefore i did not want to take the chance of walking out and ya. so i stayed in bed til 9 ish, i think. i got up, showereed and ate. i walked in to sit on the love seat and stephen just seemed mad. i sat down and thought about asking but did not. and then he spoke and i felt much better.
we watched a bit of tv. than ate. i finished off the cereal. i decided to get up and work on my writing somemore. so i did for a bit. then paint arrived and stephen went and painted and i did dishes. then ash got home. by this time i was back on the loveseat. that is where i stayed til dinner. dinner was good. i did not eat much but it was enough to satisfy me. after dinner we watched tv. now i am here writing this.
we watched greys anatomy and private practice. there were many aspects with both shows that i could relate too. esp the part with the Alzheimers disease. my granpa had that for a long time. i remember my granma saying stuff to me about how she would have to help dress him, help him do this or that, or how she would find him trying to go places or in the most random places. the show brought back memories that i had forgotten. i remember how he was. we would go to visit him and granma would have to explain to him who we were, who my dad was, and there would be times where we would have to leave because he thought we were lying to him. then it got to the point where he was not him anymore. the man i looked up to, the man i loved, he was not there anymore. the last time i saw him was in the hospital. we went to go visit him after getting out of foster care. he was so skinny and death was upon him. he could not speak and he could barely move. i walked in and being the oldest i went over to him. he smiled at me. granma asked him if he knew who i was and he nodded. he tried saying my name but could not. he raised his arm and wanted me to come to him. i did and he gave me a hug. i told him i loved him, hugged him and we left. i thought i would see him again, but the next time i saw that war hero was in a wooden box all dressed up. he was finally at peace.
anyways...
today was a good day. aside from the reality like dreams and the pain of some of the things i remembered, today was a good day. i spent most of the day with a smile on my face and or laughing. i was just happy. i remembered a lot of things today, which is good but most likely tomorrow when i wake those memories will be lost again. i would put them all in this post but there is so much i remember. i remembered some of college, some of the old me and god stuff, and there was other things, and it was a good. i did not tell anyone because i did not think anyone else would be excited like i was. i think part of why i was laughing was because of some of the things i remembered.
today was a good day. i was exhausted, and i was sore, and i had some other issues that were not good, but it did not damper my mood.
today was good. i got to spend time with some of the people i love and it made me happy. and all we did was watch tv, hardly even speaking. but it was good.
i would like tomorrow to be just as good but who knows what tomorrow will bring. sunday will be good, i hope i get to go back to that church. sunday is also stephen and dustins birthdays. and ash said we celebrate those days. ok....so i double checked and i was wrong. i was sure tho i kept hearing stephen say it was 1/22 aw well. i am a goof. sorry. well it is my brothers birthday, my twin, and ironically the one i can almost always tell anything too. he will be 19.
anyways. off to bed i shall go. i am going to get up to spend the morning with ash. i think she misses me in the mornings but i could be wrong. i know that i have been horrible at not getting up.
it was night time and i had just got done going through a store. the store was a dream itself bt not much i can remember. i got done and went out to the van full of girls. i hopped in the middle seat and we took off and started going down a street that is in my hometown. the driver was putting everyone in danger. there was screaming and everyone was freaking. i finally managed to put the e brake on and the car stopped. i hopped out to make sure everyone was alright and to take a breath of relief. the girl in the passengers seat in front made a comment to the lil girl i was holding saying look there is your mommys head. i glared at her and then looked at the lil girl i was holding and said do not listen to her your mommy is right here and as you can see i still have my head. i soon came to realize that most the girls in that van were mine. it went dark and next thing i know i am standing on the back porch with cady talking to someone. we went in an i went an sat on the loveseat. ash was getting ready to go somewhere and told jess to hand me something. jess said ok and then asked ash if she was going to give me a hug. ash said no you can give her a hug. jess said she is right there you can give her a hug. ash said no you can give her a hug she is not worth my time and as far as i am concerned she needs to be gone. jess laughed and looked back at me. i was in a bit of shock. it went dark again and i found myself looking down at my hand, there was blood all over it. i was confused. i know this is weird but my dream self thought there is no way i could have started my period yet. and then i looked around, there was blood all over the bath room. i was hurt. i walked out and someone hit me. i had not seen anyone else. i knew ash and stephen were in their room and who ever this was i did not want them getting to them. i felt something cold go into me and i looked down to see that i had been stabbed adn then it all made sense. i heard a loud noise and it sounded like it was in my dream but i woke up.
so i am going to skip ahead to this evening and then jump back to my day. it was so strange that i had had this dream esp after stephen told us about his dream. he dreamed he kept hearing noises in the house and that he was sure someone was in the house. then he heard someone being attacked and then two loud noises like gunshots. he said it seemed so real, that he had never had a dream like that.
maybe it is not strange. but i think it is since i am not on his meds. i wonder if we were both having the same dream just seeing different parts of it. if so, i will not lie, i am a bit freaked. i do not think i have ever heard of people having the same dream the same night outside of movies and shows. i hope that is all it is.
now back to the resst of this. i woke up and i decided that i was going to stay in bed. i was freaked and i was not sure if what i had dreamed was reality or not. i heard ash moving around, i had planned on getting up and eating with her. i was still trying to figure out if she had said that or not, and therefore i did not want to take the chance of walking out and ya. so i stayed in bed til 9 ish, i think. i got up, showereed and ate. i walked in to sit on the love seat and stephen just seemed mad. i sat down and thought about asking but did not. and then he spoke and i felt much better.
we watched a bit of tv. than ate. i finished off the cereal. i decided to get up and work on my writing somemore. so i did for a bit. then paint arrived and stephen went and painted and i did dishes. then ash got home. by this time i was back on the loveseat. that is where i stayed til dinner. dinner was good. i did not eat much but it was enough to satisfy me. after dinner we watched tv. now i am here writing this.
we watched greys anatomy and private practice. there were many aspects with both shows that i could relate too. esp the part with the Alzheimers disease. my granpa had that for a long time. i remember my granma saying stuff to me about how she would have to help dress him, help him do this or that, or how she would find him trying to go places or in the most random places. the show brought back memories that i had forgotten. i remember how he was. we would go to visit him and granma would have to explain to him who we were, who my dad was, and there would be times where we would have to leave because he thought we were lying to him. then it got to the point where he was not him anymore. the man i looked up to, the man i loved, he was not there anymore. the last time i saw him was in the hospital. we went to go visit him after getting out of foster care. he was so skinny and death was upon him. he could not speak and he could barely move. i walked in and being the oldest i went over to him. he smiled at me. granma asked him if he knew who i was and he nodded. he tried saying my name but could not. he raised his arm and wanted me to come to him. i did and he gave me a hug. i told him i loved him, hugged him and we left. i thought i would see him again, but the next time i saw that war hero was in a wooden box all dressed up. he was finally at peace.
anyways...
today was a good day. aside from the reality like dreams and the pain of some of the things i remembered, today was a good day. i spent most of the day with a smile on my face and or laughing. i was just happy. i remembered a lot of things today, which is good but most likely tomorrow when i wake those memories will be lost again. i would put them all in this post but there is so much i remember. i remembered some of college, some of the old me and god stuff, and there was other things, and it was a good. i did not tell anyone because i did not think anyone else would be excited like i was. i think part of why i was laughing was because of some of the things i remembered.
today was a good day. i was exhausted, and i was sore, and i had some other issues that were not good, but it did not damper my mood.
today was good. i got to spend time with some of the people i love and it made me happy. and all we did was watch tv, hardly even speaking. but it was good.
i would like tomorrow to be just as good but who knows what tomorrow will bring. sunday will be good, i hope i get to go back to that church. sunday is also stephen and dustins birthdays. and ash said we celebrate those days. ok....so i double checked and i was wrong. i was sure tho i kept hearing stephen say it was 1/22 aw well. i am a goof. sorry. well it is my brothers birthday, my twin, and ironically the one i can almost always tell anything too. he will be 19.
anyways. off to bed i shall go. i am going to get up to spend the morning with ash. i think she misses me in the mornings but i could be wrong. i know that i have been horrible at not getting up.
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