i am too tired to think. but i am going to so i can make this sound at least half way right an understandable.
i got 6 hrs an 45 minutes done of pt, an then i went to go take a 5th step an i fell. the only strength i had was taken with the thought that i cannot move. hahaha. i really pushed myself today. i keep think, if i can only get to where i can take so many steps, i will be just fine.
i think one of the reasons i am pushing my self so hard, is cuz i do not have a wheel chair. and even if i did, using it in my house just would not do. the house is too small. first thing i have to deal with, which is no burden for me, is the dogs. bubbles will be soooooooooooo happy to see me that she will be jumping all over me, an elvis will be wanting to play so he will be barking an snapping at bubbles. and then i would have to take them outside. which there is only walking room to get to the back door. next thing will be picking up some of my room an washing some stuff, so i can make my bed an lay in it. the third thing i am going to do is going to be a surprise.
6 hrs 45 mins of pt. i broke me. i wore me down. i gave everything i had, an then some. i fell. i was down for the count. the whole day i had been taking 6-7 steps with help. an sometime just 1 on my own, with no help of people or a cane. i had been pushing my self. hard. it got to this moment. i took the 4 steps. an i was determined to take the next one. i was shaking hard. i mustered up what i had an took the 5th step an then i fell. i hit the mat. i was not even going to move. it was my breaking point. i was done. i smiled a little.
i am pushing my self hard. i do not want my friend to have to be burdened a lot by me. i want to be able to walk using the cane, esp since i hve no wheel chair. i am pushing myself hard so that when i fall, an i will, i can get myself back up. and those times that i cannot, that is when i will gladly accept help.
i know i cannot do this all on my own. an right now i am not trying too. what i am trying to do is make things easier. for everyone else.
there are things that i will not get to do, or be able to do. i cannot go places that take a lot of walking or standing. i cannot do a lot of stuff in the winter, because of the cold mess with my body, an how slick it is outside.
i will prob fall sleep at the most random times. i will get tired, an stop in the middle of things if i think i cannot do whatever any longer. i will have bad moments, tho they should be rare. an i will forget you, me, an stuff all the time. no joke.
today my mind has not been work right. i thought it was tuesday, an march. an so many other things i forgot. scks.
i was going to go to bed early but when i have a friend in need, i will be a true friend indeed.
i changed my profile pictre. i cring looking at it. you can tell my cloths do not fit me, an i am still pretty pasty white. you cannot really tell but there are bags under my eyes. an i still look like i am real thin. i cannot stand look at that pic.
monday, the 20th i am supposed to get um discharged from the hospital. no welcome wagon to greet me other than the dogs. which is good enough for me.
tomorrow morn, i am going to take care of my phone. an will give all who want it, my new number.
for now i am tired. i am not even sure if there is anyting in my head. i have given my all, an all that i ask for in return is a kind smile, a gentle hug, an the soft whisper saying i love you, i am proud. the warmth an comfort that will help me sleep. lol. no joke.
i got 6 hrs an 45 minutes done of pt, an then i went to go take a 5th step an i fell. the only strength i had was taken with the thought that i cannot move. hahaha. i really pushed myself today. i keep think, if i can only get to where i can take so many steps, i will be just fine.
i think one of the reasons i am pushing my self so hard, is cuz i do not have a wheel chair. and even if i did, using it in my house just would not do. the house is too small. first thing i have to deal with, which is no burden for me, is the dogs. bubbles will be soooooooooooo happy to see me that she will be jumping all over me, an elvis will be wanting to play so he will be barking an snapping at bubbles. and then i would have to take them outside. which there is only walking room to get to the back door. next thing will be picking up some of my room an washing some stuff, so i can make my bed an lay in it. the third thing i am going to do is going to be a surprise.
6 hrs 45 mins of pt. i broke me. i wore me down. i gave everything i had, an then some. i fell. i was down for the count. the whole day i had been taking 6-7 steps with help. an sometime just 1 on my own, with no help of people or a cane. i had been pushing my self. hard. it got to this moment. i took the 4 steps. an i was determined to take the next one. i was shaking hard. i mustered up what i had an took the 5th step an then i fell. i hit the mat. i was not even going to move. it was my breaking point. i was done. i smiled a little.
i am pushing my self hard. i do not want my friend to have to be burdened a lot by me. i want to be able to walk using the cane, esp since i hve no wheel chair. i am pushing myself hard so that when i fall, an i will, i can get myself back up. and those times that i cannot, that is when i will gladly accept help.
i know i cannot do this all on my own. an right now i am not trying too. what i am trying to do is make things easier. for everyone else.
there are things that i will not get to do, or be able to do. i cannot go places that take a lot of walking or standing. i cannot do a lot of stuff in the winter, because of the cold mess with my body, an how slick it is outside.
i will prob fall sleep at the most random times. i will get tired, an stop in the middle of things if i think i cannot do whatever any longer. i will have bad moments, tho they should be rare. an i will forget you, me, an stuff all the time. no joke.
today my mind has not been work right. i thought it was tuesday, an march. an so many other things i forgot. scks.
i was going to go to bed early but when i have a friend in need, i will be a true friend indeed.
i changed my profile pictre. i cring looking at it. you can tell my cloths do not fit me, an i am still pretty pasty white. you cannot really tell but there are bags under my eyes. an i still look like i am real thin. i cannot stand look at that pic.
monday, the 20th i am supposed to get um discharged from the hospital. no welcome wagon to greet me other than the dogs. which is good enough for me.
tomorrow morn, i am going to take care of my phone. an will give all who want it, my new number.
for now i am tired. i am not even sure if there is anyting in my head. i have given my all, an all that i ask for in return is a kind smile, a gentle hug, an the soft whisper saying i love you, i am proud. the warmth an comfort that will help me sleep. lol. no joke.
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