Friday, November 25, 2011

crap

first i have to clear something up, cuz i said i would, an i am not a lier. Lindsey is not amused by me she is interested in my current state, if that you can get. she is not a jerk, so if any one thought that let me know so i can kick your butt. she is a great person, an you are only jealous that i know her an you do not! no joke. i do not think it is possible for her to be a jerk. i have never met anyone like her, an she is one of the few people that i know that like bambam, is totally awesome, an everything about her is love. so she is love, an not  jerk. how was that lindsey? :)

thanksgiving, wow. usu the highlight is who will ruine the day, that was not the case. it was o most ruined by my sister, but thankfully she shut her mouth in time. i woke up at 10ish went to see if i could help my dad with anything, an then watched the end of the parade....dude i saw SANTA! no joke. my dad made din an my brother washed dishes an i took care of the dogs. no joke.
i spent part of the day talk with stephen. he is a chef, no joke. he is going to make me his famous soup. yay!
then something awesome happened, anne sent me a im. i was STOKED! no joke. she is my sis in england. it was great get to chat with her. she is such an amazing person, so inspiring. it made me smile. she made my heart smile! <:)3
din time came an i LOADED my plate with a lil of everything, even stuffing. it took me 45 mins to eat it all i think. well i did not eat it all, the dogs got some turkey, an then elvis kept licking my roll so i gave him the rest of the first one an split the other between them. then i got pie, an i went to do something, i came back an elvis had ate all my whipped topping. no joke. i ate my pie without whipped topping. by the end of all of it i had to walk hunched over cuz my tum hurt alot. it was fuller than it had been in a long time. an i am still eating the deviled eggs, lol, out of the fridge.
there were a few highlights of my day. dustin came out an asked my sis an i if we heard that big boom. we both shook our heads no, he said some idiot across the street just drove into a pole. so we got up an went a looked. there were 4 cop cars, a fire truck, an a ambulence. people were pulling in just to watch, the neighbors were all out. they searched the car, took someone to jail, some one to the hospital, an towed the car. i typed out on my phone, that is how i talk with my sibs a lot or people in general, that they should take the car an crash into the other side of the pole to straighten it out since the car is junk now anyways. so that was one highlight. another was talking with anne!!!! another was having for the first time, a good thanksgiving. another was getting most of the laundry put up! an the last is that KJO is playing christmas music an i have heard a few dif versions of the lil drummer boy! dude, love that song.

i am sitting in my bed an layed my head back to rest for a bit an i did not notice that i have a poster that says jesus an a few old pics of jesus hanging on my wall. above my bed is a poster of RED, an in cleaning my room, i have found a lot of books on the bible an god an stuff. and lately the only station that has come in on my radio is air1. which is i think alternative christian music. an when putting laundry up the other night i kept finding these um, christian tshirts.

okay so. people keep on saying that i look great an stuff, but i do not think so. no joke. i cringe at a lot of my pictures of me. because i still have weight to gain, an to me, i do not look good. my hair is laying a lot dif than it use to, i thot about cutting it but it is go get cold out side, so aybe i will let it get a bit longer. i was going to use aburn hair dye on it, but i am going to give that to my aunt. i still want to strt work  on steps, i mean when i leave my house i have to take go down or up a few steps, same with when i go to my aunts. but it is hard an i do not like doing it alone. no no.
also, you can be frustrated all you want with me. just remember that it will not help me any. there are somethings that are really hard for me. like bambam, jasi, piglet, an a few others tried explaining thanksgiving to me, an i could not get it, finally i did, an now i am not sure i like the holiday, no i do not like it, but please make things easy for me. people will say stuff, thinking, i will get it, but i will not an i will be like ok, ummm...or something like that. after a while i just give up on trying to get stuff.
i also like watching a lot of cartoons an kid shows. i will watch stuff over an over an over an over an over an over an...you get it, an over again. no joke.
nd you can say i am pestering you, but really i will say i am sorry if it seems like i am, but i forget stuff easily an a lot. and i keep asking because of that fact. 

the other day, bambam said after work we could look at plane tickets together, haha, i waited an waited an waited. i am not sure if she said might or not, but i waited. an i searched an searched an searched, an i have found that maybe buying one way tickets would be cheaper than round trip tickets.
i have got invited so many places for the holidays. no joke. i feel bad going to one place, or not going to a place. there are even people who do not live in town or in state or country, haha, that want me to come spend christmas with them...it is crazy. it is hard to get that people want me around. something that i need to get. i would love to have christmas with everyone. no joke.

next week i am going to moberly. i am excited an scared at the same time. it is that lil kid in me. it is like i have never been away from home before. leaving the hospital really messed with me. it is a comfort thing or security thing. it will take me a while to get used to it. in fact, haha, i am ready to cry thinking about going about from my protection. i know that wherever i am, or i hope, that they will try their best to make me feel safe an secure. i am just a foolish little kid. none the less i am excited to see people. i am excited to sleep on couches an beds an floors, an do all sorts of things. i am also excited to see the shivers. kara said something about monkey bread...i will try it as long as there are no real monkeys involved, no joke.
so i guess this is a pre thing, if you want me for some reason get ahold of ash or stephen, or kara or joey. depending on where i am at. and my address is 2408 sylvanie st. joseph, mo 64501. haha. i know in the hospital there were a few addresses for mail but this is the one, lol. so if you want to send me extra spoons here is your chance, lol. :)

this am i woke up trying everything to keep from sobbing. my door was open an dad was awake so i really did not want him to hear me cry. i was bout to the point where i could not help it an did not care. i had a horrible dream. i was living with the canady's an i had bubbles an elvis there with me too. i was in my room alot, because everytime i would come out to try an visit with them they were either gone or all in one room where i was not allowed to be. so i would take the dogs out or sit an watch tv. well eventually i just decided to stay in my room cuz they just ignored me the whole time an acted like i was some ugly gross bug that they could not stand. i went outside an started looking for the dogs an for chris, my cousin. the had traveled on a boat an were going to this lil rock island thing. they had not returned so a bunch of us went looking for them. there were bunch of tears an a lot of cry. kept looking at the edge of the rocks where the water met the rocks to see if one of them had washed up there. my granma, my dad sister, a bunch of people were there an upset. i woke up an was glad it was just a dream. i was glad to wake up an bubbles be right there asleep next to me on the floor. i was glad when elvis came an slobbered all over my face. i was almost to the point where i was okay with leaving bubbles when i move. of course, in a move, you take everything with you, so in a way i feel i am only going to visit for a long time. now i have to work on the lying to my self an being okay with breaking 5 hearts at one time....that is something that is hard to be ok with. i am going to be breaking my granmas, stardust, bubbles, elvis, an my own heart when i go. an i know it is for my own good. a fresh start.

we did not go an get a christmas tree in and are not going to. dad said it is in part thanks to me. then i got a message from piglets mum in law inviting me over tomorrow to visit. sigh, an i already have something i have to do.

the only part of this day that has not sucked was skype with piglet an talking with anne. no joke.

i have just felt really horrible an crappy today. like i cannot do anything right. ah well.

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