so last night we decided that we were just going to all go to bed sooner than later. i was glad for this. i was dead tired an i was sure by then that i had a fever. i was layered in clothes an i was either sweating an really hot or freezing an shaking. i did not feel good at all. i was dead tired an i could not sleep. i even got on the floor because it was more comfy an i thought cady would play but she did not.
i watched glee an rizzoli an isles, then the new girl an raising hope an then some of the news. and that is all i remember...i went to bed. two hours later.
i fell off the couch 3 times. yep...the second an third time cady came up to me an stuck her cold wet nose in my face. 3rd time i almost did not get up. i had my alarm set to go off but slept right thro it. i woke up to a loud noise coming from ashs room an noise in the kitchen, the reason i woke up is cuz i was starting to fall off the couch again. it ws 8 something. i pulled myself back up to the couch an i waited cuz i had no clue where i was, jus that it ws loud an i was ready to fall. i knew who i was but as for everyone else...no idea. then i got up an as i did, it came back to me. i do not know why my head is doing that but i should not be surprised.
i felt almost as bad as i had the morning before. i decided to sit at the table an color. i colored one picture for ash an that was it. i was done. finally ash came out where i could see her beautiful face! she said lauren was coming over to go to the store with us. she got here an we went to the store. i was slick outside. i was about ready not to use my cane cuz it kept slipping.
side note - i need to stop relying so much on my cane an learn to walk without it. if i fall i fall. that is how i will learn, right?! i just have to tell myself not only steps but that i need to only balance some on one foot. my not left leg is the one that is weakest. idk why but it is. it is the one that gets tired fast, shakes a lot, hurts the most, etc. or maybe i need to do the complete opposite an just take it even slower, not walk as much. - end side note
we got there an i was starting to feel real bad, my stomach was kicking my butt. and i got real tired. all i wanted to do was go home an sleep. we walked around the store, well ash pushed me, tho i could try to walk around the store an save anyone the trouble of pushing me, or i could push myself. ash asked me if i needed anything from the storeand i said no, i did not need anything, bt if i did i would have waited til i could have got it myself. it may sound dumb but ash an them do so much for me already, that i could not ask them or her to get me something i need. they got flash cards an are going to make flash cards, i am not sure how this is going to work. i thought the other day i had atleast one color down but i do not.
we went an got the rest of the stuff then got in line, lauren was there with me but i did not think that ash an jess were going to make it back in time an i got scared. they made it back. i really did not feel good, but i was not going to say anything. we went to a bread store. then we came home after picking kevin up. i know this is bd, it makes me feel bad, but when others are around, others that i do not know well, i freak out. so i stayed at the table, an i sat on my computer for a while, well i was on it, i did not act sit on it. finally i went an sat by ash. i know that ash will not let anything happen, but i still get freaked. an i tell her when i am scared or freaked.
shortie text me asking if tomorrow would be a good day for a date. i said yeah. she asked me if i was enjoying my time in moberly, i said yea i was having a great time. she said that is good an i was like yea i guess. then she asked what could be done to make it better. i told her punch me in the stomach an the face an it might make them both feel better. she is coming over at 11 an we are going to make cookies an spend some time together. and then piglet an i are going to spend time together. today ash an i were supposed to spend time together like the whole day, watching once upon a time an other things. we did spend time together, but i guess it was not what i was expecting...haha. expect the unexpected tho. it was mainly my fault. no one wants to be around the sick person, and then i was busy hiding half the day, trying not to bust out crying an going outside to hide. ash kept on telling me it would be ok. i know that deep down but my mind tells me other wise.
then lauren an kevin left an i felt much better, it is not that i do not like them it is just that i do not know them like i know ash an stephen an it will take time. just like it is taking time for me to be completely ok around jess. i do not want anyone to feel bad, cuz it is not them it is me. some lil kids show off aroudn complete strangers an will tell them anything, others run an hide from people they do not know, an will do nything to avoid them. i am mostly the one that hides, tho i do make an effort to try an be around them.
stephen got home as they were leaving. i missed him. we all got ready an went to the movie the movie was pretty good. there was not any strobe lights. the pace did make my head hurt an me dizzy, but other than that nothing. where they stopped it tho, was something else. i just hope that the second part does not turn out to be like the second prt of harry potter an they rush it. i walked out of there with a huge ass smile on my face. i thought it was good but could not believe the news about the strobe lights or where they decided to end the movie.i do got to say that edward act looked good an hot in this movie. just saying.
we got home an ash finished making the food. so we sat at the table to eat. an there is this bird noise coming from some where. stephen thinks i have something to do with it, which i do not, an i told him that. i told him maybe it was the smoke alarm an he writes me back saying it sounds like someone is farting a bird. oh man, i lost it. it was so funny an i do not know why. and he kept adding to it, by talking an saying stuff. i was turning colors, cuz i cannot laugh laugh so i breath laugh, and i was crying. it was fnny but not like funny funny, but to me it was hilarious. but i think i needed it. all the days of wanting to cry an not an all the stress i deal with, i needed something to break that tention an it was it. he is a funny funny "man" ! lol. and i felt bad about not being up to have breakfast with him.
the food was good. real good. i had 2 bowls. my stomach has so far liked it. and it is one of the first things that okay only things that has not make my tum feel like killing me. i thot the cookies were doing good but after the second one my tum wanted to kill me.
now i am sitting here writing this.
earlier at the store ash is like baf still has not told me what she wants for christmas. i have already stated this. there are things that i wish for but i know that they will never happen or i will never get them. as far as what i want, i think i got everything i could want.
this statement got me thinking a whole lot right before dinner an my thinking made me want to cry an i almost did.
so many people take life an everyday things for granted. everything that i can or get to do in a day, or the things that i remember, or the food i eat, the sleep i get, every single part of my day down to the smallest thing i am thankful for, because according to so many factors an stephen i should not be alive right now. i have been dead many times, i have faced death many times, an i do not remember what it was like when i was dead but i do know that we need to be gretful for everything.
so the pet peeves in this house. i am sorry. ever since i was little i have had problems with dizziness, an over active mucus. at night it gets bad because i have trouble breathing so i am trying to clear my airway, and when iwas in the hospital i had an oxygen mask that helped an now i just have my fan. no biggy, but i am sorry that i do your pet peeves.
stephen asked to use my laptop, well the internet at the table scks but i am sitting on the couch by the window an it is working great....i think he cleaned my screen some, so thank you...my computer is dirty. it sucks. and it needs updated. it has not been on my priority list.
i went an looked at ash an stephens an my list of stuff to do together, an idk...it seems kinda dumb now. there is not much onit bt what is there is kinda lame. taht is what happens when i am really sick, i say dumb things.
i love being here. i feel like it is a home. i feel like part of a family. it is nice...an i am going to be sad when i leave. i would like to stay for a long time, but i know that ash an stephen need their time for them an i know that i cannot help with anything money wise an getting a job would be hard. who is going to hire a mute idiot who is also partly lame (walk)??!
i guess when i am here an around ash an stephen i feel safe, comfy, and like i can be myself without worrying about getting yelled at or told that i am a defected freak that should be dead.. i do not have to worry about them making fun of me or telling me everyday what a horrible dumb person i am an how hated i am. i mean i am here an my family is still trying to make me feel like crap an sometimes it works.
it is supposed to snow tomorrow. tomorrow i plan on feeling completely better an having fun.
i watched glee an rizzoli an isles, then the new girl an raising hope an then some of the news. and that is all i remember...i went to bed. two hours later.
i fell off the couch 3 times. yep...the second an third time cady came up to me an stuck her cold wet nose in my face. 3rd time i almost did not get up. i had my alarm set to go off but slept right thro it. i woke up to a loud noise coming from ashs room an noise in the kitchen, the reason i woke up is cuz i was starting to fall off the couch again. it ws 8 something. i pulled myself back up to the couch an i waited cuz i had no clue where i was, jus that it ws loud an i was ready to fall. i knew who i was but as for everyone else...no idea. then i got up an as i did, it came back to me. i do not know why my head is doing that but i should not be surprised.
i felt almost as bad as i had the morning before. i decided to sit at the table an color. i colored one picture for ash an that was it. i was done. finally ash came out where i could see her beautiful face! she said lauren was coming over to go to the store with us. she got here an we went to the store. i was slick outside. i was about ready not to use my cane cuz it kept slipping.
side note - i need to stop relying so much on my cane an learn to walk without it. if i fall i fall. that is how i will learn, right?! i just have to tell myself not only steps but that i need to only balance some on one foot. my not left leg is the one that is weakest. idk why but it is. it is the one that gets tired fast, shakes a lot, hurts the most, etc. or maybe i need to do the complete opposite an just take it even slower, not walk as much. - end side note
we got there an i was starting to feel real bad, my stomach was kicking my butt. and i got real tired. all i wanted to do was go home an sleep. we walked around the store, well ash pushed me, tho i could try to walk around the store an save anyone the trouble of pushing me, or i could push myself. ash asked me if i needed anything from the storeand i said no, i did not need anything, bt if i did i would have waited til i could have got it myself. it may sound dumb but ash an them do so much for me already, that i could not ask them or her to get me something i need. they got flash cards an are going to make flash cards, i am not sure how this is going to work. i thought the other day i had atleast one color down but i do not.
we went an got the rest of the stuff then got in line, lauren was there with me but i did not think that ash an jess were going to make it back in time an i got scared. they made it back. i really did not feel good, but i was not going to say anything. we went to a bread store. then we came home after picking kevin up. i know this is bd, it makes me feel bad, but when others are around, others that i do not know well, i freak out. so i stayed at the table, an i sat on my computer for a while, well i was on it, i did not act sit on it. finally i went an sat by ash. i know that ash will not let anything happen, but i still get freaked. an i tell her when i am scared or freaked.
shortie text me asking if tomorrow would be a good day for a date. i said yeah. she asked me if i was enjoying my time in moberly, i said yea i was having a great time. she said that is good an i was like yea i guess. then she asked what could be done to make it better. i told her punch me in the stomach an the face an it might make them both feel better. she is coming over at 11 an we are going to make cookies an spend some time together. and then piglet an i are going to spend time together. today ash an i were supposed to spend time together like the whole day, watching once upon a time an other things. we did spend time together, but i guess it was not what i was expecting...haha. expect the unexpected tho. it was mainly my fault. no one wants to be around the sick person, and then i was busy hiding half the day, trying not to bust out crying an going outside to hide. ash kept on telling me it would be ok. i know that deep down but my mind tells me other wise.
then lauren an kevin left an i felt much better, it is not that i do not like them it is just that i do not know them like i know ash an stephen an it will take time. just like it is taking time for me to be completely ok around jess. i do not want anyone to feel bad, cuz it is not them it is me. some lil kids show off aroudn complete strangers an will tell them anything, others run an hide from people they do not know, an will do nything to avoid them. i am mostly the one that hides, tho i do make an effort to try an be around them.
stephen got home as they were leaving. i missed him. we all got ready an went to the movie the movie was pretty good. there was not any strobe lights. the pace did make my head hurt an me dizzy, but other than that nothing. where they stopped it tho, was something else. i just hope that the second part does not turn out to be like the second prt of harry potter an they rush it. i walked out of there with a huge ass smile on my face. i thought it was good but could not believe the news about the strobe lights or where they decided to end the movie.i do got to say that edward act looked good an hot in this movie. just saying.
we got home an ash finished making the food. so we sat at the table to eat. an there is this bird noise coming from some where. stephen thinks i have something to do with it, which i do not, an i told him that. i told him maybe it was the smoke alarm an he writes me back saying it sounds like someone is farting a bird. oh man, i lost it. it was so funny an i do not know why. and he kept adding to it, by talking an saying stuff. i was turning colors, cuz i cannot laugh laugh so i breath laugh, and i was crying. it was fnny but not like funny funny, but to me it was hilarious. but i think i needed it. all the days of wanting to cry an not an all the stress i deal with, i needed something to break that tention an it was it. he is a funny funny "man" ! lol. and i felt bad about not being up to have breakfast with him.
the food was good. real good. i had 2 bowls. my stomach has so far liked it. and it is one of the first things that okay only things that has not make my tum feel like killing me. i thot the cookies were doing good but after the second one my tum wanted to kill me.
now i am sitting here writing this.
earlier at the store ash is like baf still has not told me what she wants for christmas. i have already stated this. there are things that i wish for but i know that they will never happen or i will never get them. as far as what i want, i think i got everything i could want.
this statement got me thinking a whole lot right before dinner an my thinking made me want to cry an i almost did.
so many people take life an everyday things for granted. everything that i can or get to do in a day, or the things that i remember, or the food i eat, the sleep i get, every single part of my day down to the smallest thing i am thankful for, because according to so many factors an stephen i should not be alive right now. i have been dead many times, i have faced death many times, an i do not remember what it was like when i was dead but i do know that we need to be gretful for everything.
so the pet peeves in this house. i am sorry. ever since i was little i have had problems with dizziness, an over active mucus. at night it gets bad because i have trouble breathing so i am trying to clear my airway, and when iwas in the hospital i had an oxygen mask that helped an now i just have my fan. no biggy, but i am sorry that i do your pet peeves.
stephen asked to use my laptop, well the internet at the table scks but i am sitting on the couch by the window an it is working great....i think he cleaned my screen some, so thank you...my computer is dirty. it sucks. and it needs updated. it has not been on my priority list.
i went an looked at ash an stephens an my list of stuff to do together, an idk...it seems kinda dumb now. there is not much onit bt what is there is kinda lame. taht is what happens when i am really sick, i say dumb things.
i love being here. i feel like it is a home. i feel like part of a family. it is nice...an i am going to be sad when i leave. i would like to stay for a long time, but i know that ash an stephen need their time for them an i know that i cannot help with anything money wise an getting a job would be hard. who is going to hire a mute idiot who is also partly lame (walk)??!
i guess when i am here an around ash an stephen i feel safe, comfy, and like i can be myself without worrying about getting yelled at or told that i am a defected freak that should be dead.. i do not have to worry about them making fun of me or telling me everyday what a horrible dumb person i am an how hated i am. i mean i am here an my family is still trying to make me feel like crap an sometimes it works.
it is supposed to snow tomorrow. tomorrow i plan on feeling completely better an having fun.
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