snow

so when i say i have never done this it is probably that i do not remember doing it or seeing it, or that i really never have an either way do not remember.

i have never seen snow until today.

last night i stayed home, we stayed home instead of going to the christmas parade. ash back is still hurting her, an it was really cold outside. so they made din an we watched pan am an tried watching once upon a time. ash got her new phone. today i am going to help her get some of the ringtones she wanted.
i got on the floor with cady an played she had a lot of fun those she kept hitting me in the face. they were cold but i was really hot. i was sure i had  fever but whatever. we had lasanya for din, i am not a fn of the stuff but i ate it...it is a once in a while thing.
jess an i watched some tv an jasi an i talked some, an then i went to bed. i was tired. an my stomach was killing me. it had been all day.

jasi is smart...she thinks of things that i know but do not realize it until after she says them. like i know this, but every single thing uses spoons. i am always so exhausted an weak. and i do not do much eps since i have been here in moberly. everyone helps me out a lot, ash is real good about it. she is always bringing my plate to the table, my drink, helping me with food an other stuff, doors, etc. i try to do some of it on my own but i usu cannot pour my own tea esp if it is more than half full. i cannot carry my own bible that bambam got me, it is too heavy. sometimes i cannot bend over to get stuff. so that helps.
but jasi pointed out a lot of things that will make me tired, an i felt so stupid for not even thinking about it. thinking, sitting around, moving, traveling, even sitting in a wheelchair being pushed, eating, going to restraunts, digesting, trying to keep up with conversations, listening, processing, visiting or having visitors, etc, all is work. she was right about a lot of stuff, i am not used to eating real food an therefore it really makes me tired an my body is still trying to get used to it.
lately i have been a lot more comfortable showing that i am tired, or taking my time walking because i need to slow down, or saying no i do not want to go here or do this or that i cannot, still sometimes i will do stuff or go places tho i do not have the spoons, just so i can spend time with people. i have been so people deprived for months an i am around some of the people that i know best an feel safe with that i try to get as much time with them as i can.
but what got jasi an i talking is that her an nikki were commenting on my something and they were going really fast and then the things they were saying were weird an i had no idea what they were talking about, an it scared me. an then a lot of stuff started going thro my head an then i got even more scared.

bed time came an i was out..cady would not sleep with me...i think i scared her. morning came, i hd a dream but all i remember is the guinea pigs. i woke up an i tried sitting up...it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. i debated for a long while on whether i would join stephen an ash for eggs an toast or not. i decided i was going to get up an eat that my body would feel much better if i did, an i wanted to spend that time with ash an stephen. i got up walked over there...i felt horrible but i am good at hiding pain, or i think i am. i took one bite of the eggs an i could not stand taking another bite. i love eggs an toast. i thot i was going to die tho. i sat there an all i could think to do was pray, the pain was go great i thot i was going to passout, an sleepingon that table as almost landed me on the floor...so, i kept praying. they left an i went back to bed. ash told me i had no choice. an i was not going to argue. i opened the curtains an unplugged the lights. i watched the snow for a lil bit. and so did cady. she came an got up on the couch with me for a bit. when i decided that i needed to stretch my legs out and that is when cady left. i layed my head down an that is all i remember. i was out. i woke up to cady pacing back an forth across the house, she kept coming an sniffing my face, i knew what she wanted. so i got up went to the bathroom an i put my shoes on, then i let cady out. she had to go potty. jess is like if i would have known or if she would have told me i would have let her out. i am used to two dogs coming an letting me know they want out, pacing the house waiting for someone to let them out. and dogs pace when they really have to go. i let cady back in an then joined jess at the table. i like to keep people company. jess asked me if i wanted anything so i let her fix me some oatmeal. i got almost half of it ate an then i could not eat any more. so we came in an started watching movies.
it is still snowing...this would be a perfect time to go thro holiday park. or just a nice drive. the snow is so pretty. it is wet an cold but it is pretty an i am glad i get to see it. it is so colorful.

yesterday aside from falling i hit my head in the bathroom, it sucked big time. i cried. just a few tears. i waited an i waited to see if anything would happen an i was real disy an lightheaded an i had trouble walking at first, i could not see well, and ten i was fine.

stephen an ash are on their way to the store, an then home! yay! and it is still snowing. i am feeling better. i just ate a cookie. today i was going to do dishes an try to do some other stuff to help out, but i slept most the day, an i would still be a sleep except if i slept all day i prob would not sleep tonight.

so i am not sure what is going on tonight, glee an rizzoli an isles comes on tonight. we could possibly go to the movies tonight. we will see.



so i have said how my memory is getting bad. this is what i mean. i cannot remember most of last week, or anything before it. i cannot remember how to count or my abcs that i learned. i do not always remember people, like, okay i feel bad for this, but i have woke up and i forgot who everyone else was...scares the crud out of me....boo on me...and i have not had this issue for a while...i do not think i have that is. i am good at writing because i do it every day, an often.
thursday i have a date with piglet...and sometime i have a date with shortie. and mcguire. i am not sure what i am doing next week..
my dad told me that the dogs keep wanting to go in an out a n that tthey miss me including my kitten. i laughed at that...stardust i think could care less if i was gone or not.

i miss bambam...we do not talk much at all, same with jasi. and to be honest i miss stephen an ash...haha now i gotta try an keep from crying.lol.

i woke from cady wanting out an i was covered in 3 blankets. ash blanket was on me an i was like wrapped in stuff. it was kinda nice.

now onto my night...beginning with coloring. :)